Monday, September 5, 2011


Christian at four months
Christian at four years
Four years of age. Who would have ever thought that a four year olds birthday would mean so much? Seven months ago I was uncertain as to whether or not Christian would even live to his fourth year. But now we have hope for the future – hope for Christian’s future. Each day his strength, courage, understanding and gentle heart continue to astound Chris and I. We are so blessed to have this amazing family and Christian helps to make it just so. Ironic that we are celebrating this milestone birthday in the same month that honors Childhood Cancer. Yes, September is Pediatric Cancer Awareness month – Gold Ribbon is the color of choice.

We are frequently reminded of the fragility of life, and not just Christians. We are not guaranteed another year with him or Evelyn or Ryan or each other. So we attempt (and I mean attempt) to love each other whole-heartedly and make the best of our marriage.  I pray that the issues that come to light as a result of Christian’s illness will be dealt with and will make us a stronger couple and family. Stronger in our faith and grounded in the true essentials of a loving and giving life.
"Helped" Daddy get his 2nd degree- what a year!

First Birthday
Now that we are back at school and work and hospital and everything else that customarily goes on in the fall I cautiously attack my days with the most normalcy I can. I am amazed at how much I crave structure and the ongoings of an average life. But then I must remember that our lives are no longer run of the mill. We will constantly be waiting and wondering for the next test and results. Many of the families we have met in the Oncology ward say that life will never be normal again and I wonder how I will cope with this. Will it be a blessing and allow us a clear picture of the true ‘essentials’ of life? Or will I be always looking at other families in the park and wonder if they have any idea how luck they are to be ‘normal’. Then again perhaps we are the lucky ones.
Best Big Brother EVER! - Evan at two days
Regardless I am so proud of Christian for how hard he has fought, the strength he has shown both physically and emotionally. I am so proud that he can teach both Chris and I lessons in patience and understanding. I am honored to be Christian’s mother. I am honored that I get to be the one who cuddles him at night and the one he longs to be with. This is a gift of motherhood.

He is so sweet and thoughtful. He will often come over and rub your back or your head if he thinks you are not feeling well. He often tells Chris and I that we don’t “need to worry” when we are having a heated discussion. He reminds us that it “doesn’t really matter” and “it can be fixed or cleaned up”. He truly is peace in my heart and love to very bottom of my toes. When he is sleeping at night and I quietly rub his bald, soft little head I wonder how is it possible to love someone this much.  Loving him reminds me of the love that God must have for us. A love we can not dream up. The Beatles certainly got the truth down to the core. All you need is love. Thanks for reading

Today I am thankful for:
1.     A nicely painted bright and colorful front door
2.     The noises Christian makes when he sleeps (somewhere between a sigh and a snore!)
3.     Watching Ryan dancing
Still the best big brother ever....Ryan at five days

Three weeks before diagnosis
-       loved to cuddle since the minute he was born
-       loves to sleep sucked right up beside someone and will often reach out to make sure he can touch someone else’ skin
-       Loves to make sure everyone is happy
-       Is the world’s BEST helper (with Grandpa building, with mommy or Grammy cooking, with daddy and his hockey sticks) & anybody who is doing any kind of work with have an automatic helper!
-       Loves to be silly and call someone he loves a chicken but!
-       Has a crazy tongue he can turn upside down
-       Loves golf and I think hockey was his first word
-       Loves swimming, bath time
-       Loves music and dancing
I will never forget those sweet little toes......


  1. Christian you make the rest of us smile with your smile,never is there a day that I don't want to be able to give you a big hug. Can't believe you are four .My prayer to god this day is that you have alot less tears this years and all news is good news. I love you with all my heart HAPPY BIRTHDAY my wonderful grandson.