Thursday, December 25, 2014


Best Christmas smile ever.... 

Good evening sweet pea

It is Christmas Eve and we have officially renamed this day “fun day”. Evy and Ryan have been having so much fun today playing around the house. They seem to find all sorts of imaginative games to play. As we speak they are shooting nesting dolls off the end of an empty wrapping paper roll. Now they are playing princess games in the toy room. There is so much joy and laugher in their voices – the sincerity of their emotions is inspiring to me. I know you are playing with them. In fact we just finished wrapping your present to Daddy – I know he will love it and it will constantly remind him of you. Not that he needs any help with that. He misses you so much. I see him staring at your pictures and I know he is wondering about you, how you would look, what kind of golfer you would be, would you enjoy playing with Evelyn and Ryan? This year he put the star on the tree by himself. He made the most beautiful Christmas tree – we picked it out at tree lot with the kids and I let Evy chose. I am assuming you guided her hand because it is the most beautiful, full and glorious tree we have ever had.
Christmas 2012
Hey mom don't mess my mullet!!!
Joshua is such a beautiful soul. I call him my little dude, he has so much of your spirit and tenacity (or should I call it stubbornness?!) He is always giving away his kisses, he grabs your face with two hands and plants a big one on your lips, “mmmmaaaa” he says when he kisses.  He loves to be near me, maybe a bit too much! He can’t seem to sleep unless part of him is touching my skin, or daddy’s. He needs to feel a heartbeat and a warm body. His security is knowing that we are close by – this part of him reminds me so much of you. Needed to be close by, as if there was nothing else in the world but us, and that is ok with him. A few days ago he started walking – everywhere! He picks up his hockey stick and swings at anything in his way! He also discovered that he can kick a soccer ball, its just about the cutest thing I have ever seen. Every moment of this holiday reminds me of you… words can not describe how much I long to have you here with us. Playing and celebrating, listening to music and dancing around the living room, watching the Magic Hockey skates and the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
I love my Daddy so much

Now that is joy!!!1

Pastor Doug gave an amazing sermon the other day about Joy, that it is God’s deepest desire for us to have a life filled with joy. Our life may no be filled with happiness but God has put a serving of Joy into my soul. The pain of missing you takes away from the happiness of my days but we have become privy to the true value of the “small” things in life that are really very big things. Laying in bed at night with my kids lulling them into a secure sleep, tickling their little tummy’s while they beg for mercy, watching them enjoy playing together, seeing Joshua take his first steps – right into a kicking a soccer ball, sitting with my husband at night and knowing I have my best friend beside me who always has my back, food on our table and the security of my future life with Christian.
We began our Christmas vacation with a little hungry hippo
Despite the chaos, confusion and frustrations that might come into our life, the deep rooted understanding the Jesus loves us, died for us and currently is battling for us is what brings me my peace and joy. At the end of the day He will provide for us whatever situation we find ourselves in and this is what I rely on and trust. Christmas, to me, is my promise that I will see Christian again. My good friend laughed at me the other day when I told her how I started crying in church when I attempted to sing the Christmas carols. I can see how it would seem silly since they are supposed to be joyful but all of a sudden the words spoke to me even though I have sung them a thousand times before. Hark the Herald Angels Sing began and I sang with the repetition that most carols bring, then all of a sudden I heard these words,

            “Born that man no more may die
              Born to raise the sons of earth,
              Born to give them second birth”

And the realization that Christ was born on Christmas morning only to died on a cross a few decades later – so that I can see you again. And not just see you but live a glorious life with you Christian, the life God had intended in the very first place. No pain or suffering just pure joy and happiness. You may be gone from our life here on earth but I know you wait for me. This is my Christmas wish for my family and for every other family out there today who needs a reason to smile. This moment on earth now is fleeting, don’t stress, trust in the Lord, store up for your selves treasures in heaven and soon one day we will all understand.

Best sibling Christmas picture - hands down!!!

I know you are going to have a rocking party in heaven – what a day to celebrate! I hope you join us at church and sit on my knee when we sing. I can see your hands in the air as you draw close to God. I love you so much. Merry Christmas Christian.