Wednesday, January 14, 2015

A letter to Daddy from heaven

Together Forevers......
Hi Daddy
Today it is two years, or 730 days since I left you. You laid beside me in my hospital bed and rubbed by back and sang to me. I love the feel of your strong soft hands on my back and the sound of your voice in my ear. I was there with you and mommy in my room when the machines said I was “gone”. I was already visiting with Jesus in heaven. He brought me there to show me heaven, so I could see how amazing it is and all the wonderful people I would meet. I met my older brother Jackie. We have so much fun together; he loves golf, Star Wars and hockey, just like I do! Once I visited heaven Jesus told me that I could decide when to come back for good. The beauty and awe of heaven is more than I am able to put into words so I was uber excited to go back. I wanted to say goodbye to you and mommy and make sure it was the right time. I know how sad you were to say goodbye, I made sure you had just the right nurse in Megan, you and mommy gave me a bath and changed me. You picked me up into your strong arms and I wanted you to be the last person to hold me. You were the first.
Remember September 6th, 2007? You sat in the chair outside the operating room and the nurse handed me to you, I was so tiny and little, did you even know what to do with me? I don’t think so but I remember that you loved me right from that very first moment. You and I had something special that can never be taken away, not even if I am in heaven. I will always be your special boy. Don’t ever regret what you did or didn’t do in the days before I left for heaven. You trusted and believed just as God called you too. He is so happy that you are faithful despite the fact He knows you are broken. I am not sad or angry at all about those last few days. I loved watching the smile on your face and seeing you chat with the nurses and inspiring the other parents around you. It Is what God asked you to do. I know every moment you spent with me was worth a thousand and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Daddy I know today is so hard for you, I wish that I could share with you everything that I know, I have looked down your life and you won’t believe what God has in store for you! Its amazing! So you just have to hold on ok? Keep your eye on Jesus and trust in the Lord, even when the world doesn’t seem to make sense. Keep following the passion in your heart because it was put there by God and He wants you to trust Him. I played with you guys today on my heaven day. I went to the zoo and walked beside you, holding your hand. I stood with Evy and Ryan when they feed the giraffes and I played along side them at the park. I swam in the cool swimming pool and floated around the hot tub. I ate dinner with you and laughed at your eye spy games, I waved at Joshua outside the car window and he could see me and pointed as if to say, “Hey! There is Christian!”

Evelyn practising being a shark!
Daddy I wanted you to know how special you are and what an amazing daddy you are. I know you question so often whether you are good enough, you question if you are doing the right things. You need to remember that you are! You are because everything you are doing you are doing out of love. I know you much you love Evelyn, Ryan, Joshua and mommy. Don’t allow any thoughts to come into your head that try and convince you otherwise. You are doing what God has asked you to do, and the little mistakes we make are ok too. Just remember to keep asking God for help and guidance and then listen when he speaks. I am so proud of you daddy. I am proud of how much you love my brothers and sister. I am proud you take Ryan golfing; I am proud you are silly with Evy and cuddle her to sleep at nights. You make her feel secure and loved and nobody can do that like a daddy.  Tell Evelyn how proud I am of her that she is doing so well in school and that she knows her letters and sounds! And Ryan is getting so big and good at golf. Boy can he hit that ball! You are teaching him so well. And Joshua – he is quite the little character. I see that he has gotten some of my stubbornness. I whisper into his ear at night and now I can see he is listening to me. He loves Ryan and Evelyn so much and I can see he will help to be the glue that keeps our family stuck tight together!

The California sun and green grass was just what the Dr ordered!

Mostly Daddy I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. I am very eager to show you around heaven so you can see how breath taking it is here. The music will blow you away – I sing as often as I can, especially when you guys are singing my favorite songs. I know you are hurting but continue to trust in God, know that He is good and His plan is perfect. Tell Evelyn I am still sitting in my chair made out of Gold and I get to run with the animals and feed them and play with them. Tell Ryan that heaven has the most amazing golf courses and the sun never goes down and the wind never comes up. The drink cart is always free and full of snacks and drinks and colorful popsicles! I will see you again soon one day. The time between now and then will be like dust in the wind when you get here and see what I am talking about. Stay strong daddy and trust in your heavenly Daddy to carry you thru. I love you  - all the way to the death star and back!
He's not so bad :)

PS i am so proud of you that you touched a snake today!!!! you are awesome!!!!