Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Tough time recovering from Chemo       

You have to have the rain to grow the flowers, you have to be down in order to go up, you have to see the cloud to know the sun. Call them cliché but its true. You don’t know what you have until it is gone and you can’t really appreciate the good times until you have known bad times. And I have been broken this week. Broken in my body and broken in my soul. For some random reason my back went on strike starting the night Christian was admitted to hospital. I tried to get up in the middle of the night and got ‘stuck’ trying to put Ryan back into his crib and ended up dropping him onto the crib mattress– thankfully kids are pliable! Anyways, many hours later and some seriously embarrassing bathroom moments, and I was officially out of commission. I was completely at the mercy of anything below my waist, which basically means all of my children along with anything that was on the ground. Since then either Christian or Evelyn has had to help me get my shorts on each morning and thank the Lord for mothers because I would have been in some big doo doo without my mom being here to help me. Chris left for work on Monday morning and by noon mom and I are wondering where we could hire a nanny! And Cousin Julie to the rescue! I have never had a daytime helper before but wow! What a great invention. Now to win the lottery so I can hire her full time!
Is there anything better than Batman playing Wii?
Anyways back to my point of finding the blessings in bad times….these past few days while I have been crippled like I never understood before….I have renewed my sense of appreciation for the small things in my life. One of the things I have missed the most is picking up Ryan when he reaches his little hands up to me and says, “Mommee”. Or in the mornings when Christian says who is going to cuddle with me? Knowing full well that horizontal is not an option for me. How about being able to put on your own underwear or sleep (horizontal!) in your bed? These are just a few of the things I have missed so much this week.
Cruising Unit 1 as Batman
We spent the better part of last week in the hospital while Christian battled a fever. Wednesday night Christian and I headed to the hospital and we were directed to our room, room #1116 – our original room. And I felt kind of funny walking in there – like it was January 2010 all over again. It was late at night when we got to the hospital so it was dark and chilly. Once Christian was settled into his bed, comfy and cozy, I went over and looked out the window and I felt a chill go up my spine. It was the exact same view that Chris and I looked at every night when Christian was first diagnosed. But this look back in time also gave me some levity as to how far we have come, how hard Christians has fought, how much we have given over and how much new appreciation we have for our lives. The small things in life - being able to put on your own socks and the grand things in life– looking your son’s eyes and hearing him say he loves me “this much”.
Games in the sunshine room

And I seem to also find God in this way. We all do. When things are really bad – this is when we look to Him for help. Not until we are at rock bottom and realized that we are ‘tapped out’ do we start looking up. And because God is faithful He is waiting to reach His Hands down and show us love, compassion and hope. So even though my body is broken I know that I am blessed. Blessed because I have family that is helping me, blessed because I have friends that are praying for us, blessed because I have beautiful children and blessed because I have a God that loves me and is faithful. A good friend reminded me yesterday that our God is faithfull and WANTS to give good gifts to us. So tonight I rest with the thought that God is looking after Christian and my back and the rest of my family. I rest knowing that despite the ups and downs of Christian’s treatments that ‘it is done’. The price is paid and the way is paved.  

Blood transfusion # 12 - could this be your blood?
Christians blood type - O Negative
We are having a delay this week in Christian’s chemotherapy treatments because he was ill last week. So he will be doing his small chemo on Friday – 9 weeks remaining and four more chemo treatments. Wow. I can’t believe we are almost there. I am a little afraid; ok I am a lot afraid of what our life will look like when we are done – but that is another whole blog! Christian is also going to be having another CT scan on Friday because he has been having some random and weird tummy pain that doesn’t seem to be responding the Doctor’s treatments. So please pray that the tumor has continued to shrink – and that it has rescinded from his inferior vena cava. Please pray that the tumor is not interfering with the proper functioning of his organs.  Please pray for Christian for strength for the last few months of treatment. And please pray that Chris and I can continue to grow and mature as parents and partners. Thanks for reading.
Recovering in room 1116

Today I am thankful for:
1.     VERY strong muscle relaxants
2.     Eating my first calzone
3.     Smelling Ryan’s skin and hearing his belly laugh when he is tickled
4.     Chris jumping into a very large tub and saying “I’m in”

1 comment:

  1. Always, always thinking of you all. Christian and I share the same blood type -o!!