Friday, November 8, 2013


The last self portrait you took - love your eyes… beautiful and healthy

Dear Christian.
Its November 8, my birthday. My first birthday since 2007 without you. Last year you proudly handed me a bouquet of flowers as I made my way downstairs in the morning, but this year there will be no flowers from you. I will never forget how a few days before my birthday last year you brought down your wallet from your bedroom, dug your hand into the change section and pulled out some coins. You placed them in my hand and told me to buy whatever I wanted for myself. You were the kindest soul I have ever met and I know you would have given me the world if you could have. Instead I used the money to put together this picture of us and I will never forget how we spent our last birthday together.

I don’t have much today say today. Just another day that should be a celebration of life but will in fact be a day that I miss you more than the last. I am so grateful I have a video of you telling me you love me and singing me happy birthday. I know you will sing to me from the heavens and rejoice in every smile and laugh I can muster. I miss you so much; there are no words to describe it. Looking through my photos tonight I can see how many great moments we had together, some amazing ones at Disneyland and Florida but some of the most special moments we shared were just you and I hanging out in bed together. You and I enjoying the safety and love of each other’s company, you and I will be connected forever, until we meet again in heaven.

I love you and miss you all the way to Hoth and back.

Today I am thankful for
1.     my videos of Christian
2.     Joshua smiling at me (nodding when I asked him if he had been talking to you)

3.     Chocolate cake
Miss your silly ways…..