How He Loves Us

2 days pre surgery - silly as ever!

Here we are again – almost winter. You know the snow is soon to hit the ground and the day seems to be over before you can even get home from work. And here I am again in this season sitting in a unit 1 room looking out the window at the lights of the city. I wonder where all the cars are going that drive by – do they even know? Do they have any idea how lucky they are to ‘worry’ about who is going to drive who to hockey practice? I pray for the day when Chris and I will squabble about how we will get all three kids to where they need to go.

Every few seconds I hear the push of Christian’s IV fluids and the sound of his quiet breathing. He sighs a light breath and I know he is relaxed and comfortable. At 930 they shut off the hallway lights in the unit and it feels so lonely – like we could be the only people here. We had a small set back today as Christian has been violently throwing up multiple times a day. He doesn’t eat or drink a lot so I know it is coming from deep down in his stomach and intestines. Oh right the word is bile! Yuck. So he has been temporarily removed from eating and is back on regular IV fluids until his tummy settles down. The good news is that he has been given day passes (you know like jail!) to go home for a few hours each day. I know his brain is so bored of this place and his little body is tired of lying on this hospital bed. The comfort, smell and sights of his home will bring him some peace and hopefully rejuvenate his spirit.

A few days post surgery...i will never forget these days

Halloween will be a go but we will be limited to carrying him up to doorsteps (kind of like Batman’s butler!) We are not sure about Evelyn since everything Halloween seems to be scary – even smiley pumpkins can send her into a tangent… so maybe we will only take our little baby elephant to uncle Dalton’s house!

The look in Chris' eyes is pure father peace - life does not get any better

I had a small revelation the other day while listening to a song from Jesus Culture called, “How He Loves”. I am so scared about losing Christian and how I will respond to the outcome of our battle that I have been throwing my soul into trying to understand God, His plan, purpose and hopes for our lives. I know that praising God and thanking Him for the gifts we receive has helped to provide some prospective for Chris and I. I understand that he has a plan for Christian, for our family. I understand and accept that the outcome of this ordeal is the best gift our family could get because God only gives good gifts. The problem is that I wasn’t sure I was worthy of good gifts. I was only loving on Christian – I forgot to love onto myself.  I was listening to her sing about how much God loves each and every one of us – so passionately and without abandon. A fierce love that none of us will ever understand until we stand face to face with God. Thinking about losing Christians I had a brief understand of God’s sacrifice to us. His own Son. That by doing this He created a pathway for us to have a relationship with Him. That we might know God’s grace and mercy. That we might understand the absoluteness of His love for us. Each of us. I had forgotten that God loved me first. He loved you first. If you feel like nobody loves you or you don’t love yourself. Remember that God loves you – a love so powerful it can overcome obstacles that seem insurmountable – like cancer. God can defeat cancer. God can defeat hate, self loathing, anger, spite, envy. He does this with Love. If you can try to understand the love God has for you then nothing anybody says or does to you matters. Because God’s infinite love ALWAYS stands. And when you can accept that God loves you that fiercely, then you can also love fiercely. Then all negativity, all evil, all cancer that comes your way will smash into your loving spirit and shatter into a million pieces. This amazing love will always reign. Praise God for His gifts, His promises, and His love. Thanks for reading

Power of Love

Today I am thankful for:

1.     Awesome new music

2.     Days out shopping with mom

3.     Revelations

coolest dude ever!

.