CHOSEN

Recovery from Chemo - tougher by the week

It does not care about body size, how tall or short you are or skin color. It doesn’t care if you are royalty or homeless, 63 or three. Cancer chooses at random and without cause. Cancer chose my three year old son. Cancer chose Christian. Will cancer choose you? Your mother or father? Your sister? Your brother? Your young child? Your husband or wife?

 We don’t have control over who does and doesn’t get cancer (especially pediatric cancer) but we do have control over our response to this cruel disease. Human agency and God’s promise of free will allows us to respond to these situations with hope, love and a positive frame of mind. God’s grace is what gives me hope for Christian’s future and our families future. I could chose to sit back and get angry and bitter. I can begrudge those who don’t have to go through what our family does and I can feel envy for those people who are taking vacations and planning holidays while we go to chemo. But we are not angry. We are trying to embrace this time blessed to our family. I am trying to be still and enjoy the moments we are given, the special times with our kids. We have been given such a gift of clarity for the fragility of life. All of us are at risk. Even though Christian’s morbidity is in jeopardy due to his cancer – none of us are guaranteed one more day. How long will you wait to embrace life? The gifts you have been given?

Ready for CT scan

I am trying to follow the words spoken on mine and Chris’ wedding day, words advising us about the strength of LOVE. God loves us and wants the best for our family, for his family. If I act out of love with peace in my heart then no one and no disease can bring us down.

“…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

 Pediatric cancer is especially difficult to understand and cope with. It just does not seem right that a small little child or baby should have to suffer through chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions. It doesn’t seem right they these little people should have to experience pain and suffering associated with this horrible disease and the treatments are, in some cases, more difficult for them to cope with than the disease itself.  Not to mention the emotional trauma experienced by the parents and other family members. How do you explain to a two year old that their older brother has a life threatening illness? You don’t – it just becomes life for them. Evelyn now makes sure that wherever we go, whatever we are doing she says, “Can I come too?” A sure indication that two year olds understand more than we give them credit for! A sign to show me that she feels left out and I need to consider her more. She notices that we leave her at home when we go to the hospital; she noticed when we left her every day for radiation. She notices that Christian gets “poke box” presents after his daily injections and dressing changes. Yesterday day after Christian received his poke present Evelyn looked at my mom and said, “what about me?”  So it is difficult to maneuver and I know that Chris and I have made many a gaffe parenting our kids through this ordeal, I am praying that we will learn from these mistakes and become more aware and understanding parents. That our kids will become more compassionate human beings who are able to think beyond video games, designer clothing and the latest ‘must haves’.  That love will prevail in our home and in our family.

Enjoying 'the ride' together

So please remember that we all have a choice, regardless of the situation that this uncharted life throws at you – you have a choice. You can chose to sit and bitch about it and make excuses and lament about how horrible your current predicaments are (and come on, lets keep things in perspective here) or you can turn your heart to God and learn to love, forgive, and find goodness in every situation. I have a magnet on my fridge that says,

“Peace is not to be in a place where there is no chaos and confusion but to be in the midst of it and still have calm in your heart”

-       Fridge magnet

Face vs. driveway

Laugh a lot, love very often, smile at everybody because it contagious. Remember that God has your back and if you trust in Him – everything will work out just as He intended – PERFECT.

PERFECT!

Today I am thankful for:

1.     Hot days by the water in the Rocky Mountains

2.     Christian giggling while he tickles his own armpit!

3.     Our primary nurse, Jo Brooks

Ryan 'assisting' with the building of the new toy shelf!