February 25

Dear Christian,

How do I love and miss you? Let me count the ways;

-       I miss your silly little faces and funny tongue tricks

-       I love your fuzzy hair and rubbing my hands through it

-       I miss hearing you coming down the stairs and then coming over to curl up in my lap

-       I miss the way you always wanted to make your sister or brother feel better if they were sad

-       I miss being the ‘tickle monster’ when you would come down the red twisty slide

-       I love how you copied everything your daddy did when you guys were golfing

-       I miss hearing you finish the words in your story books that we read over and over again (star wars most recently and diggers and dumpers from when you were smaller)

-       I miss your gentle heart and soft hands on my skin

-       I love the way you and Evelyn would play Batman and Cat Lady

-       I miss watching you sit at your Star Wars draw of men, playing for hours

-       I miss your stubbornness when it came to shopping for guys on Ebay!

-       I love the way you loved your cousins, and how you called them your friends

-       I love that you wanted to come to church with us so you could listen to the music

-       I love that you wanted to only eat the tops of the cheese burgers and pepperoni pizza without the pepperoni

-       I miss dancing with you in our living room, Mary Poppins, Lion King and “So What”

-       I miss watching you play washers with your daddy and Papa and bowling with Grandpa

-       I miss going to Banff with you and throwing rocks into the river, getting pizza and playing at the park with the mountains as our backdrop

-       I miss having tubs with you late at night, having battles with your Smurfs and Batman guys

But most of all I miss loving you; I miss having my days dedicated to keeping you happy, safe and by my side. I miss protecting you and getting you ham and cheese and mustard sandwiches at midnight. I miss falling asleep with you while watching Incredibles and Toy Story. Oh sweet Christian, I wait for the day when the pain isn’t so intense and tangible. I wait for the day when I will be able to pass an hour without thinking about you.

I love you, to the big moon in the sky and back,

Mommy