Wednesday, January 16, 2013

CHRISTIAN MACKENZIE CROWELL


This will be my last blog post, at least for a while. My heart is shattered into a million pieces and I don’t know what it will take to repair it. On Monday at 11:30 pm Christian took his last labored breaths and we passed him into the arms of Jesus. We have been praying for the past two years that Christian would know a life that is free of pain, limitations, needles, and frustrations. We prayed for an earthly healing that did not come to pass. We will never know or be able to explain why God decided to call him to His home. But I will rest knowing that Christian is happier in the arms of Jesus than I could ever make him. He is finally strong, fast and playing the way a five year-old boy should. Please continue to pray for our family as we struggle to come to grips with our new reality.

CHRISTIAN MACKENZIE CROWELL
09-06-2007 – 01-14-2013

61 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to you and your family. We have never met, but I have carried your family in my prayers for many months. Christian was a beautiful little boy and I was so sad to hear of his passing. Please know that your incredible faith has inspired me and that I will continue to pray for you in the weeks & months to come. I pray that you will find strength & comfort in the loving arms of your family & that God will give you the strength and courage to get through this most difficult time of grief and sorrow. God bless you, Megan. You are an amazing mother and a beautiful daughter of God....
    Sincerely, Lisa R.

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  2. Megan & family,
    My heart breaks hearing of this tragic news. Christian was such an amazing and strong little man. I will never forget his smile, he was just such an amazing kid. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
    Sincerely,
    Kati, Pip & Gabby

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  3. I am so saddened to hear of the loss of Christian as he lived amongt us here on earth, I can not imagine -as hard as I try, how you and Chris and your entire family feel. I do believe that Christian was, indeed, called to heaven for reasons that we may not understand yet- but that we will, eventually, come to know and so need to try and trust this decision until then. I will pray and pray for your rest,courage, strength and understanding. Do not forget to reach out to us all for anything dear Crowells. The most gentle hugs I could send.

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  4. Praying, praying, praying for healing for your broken hearts.

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    1. yes to the above! Did this morning for you all and will continue to...

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  5. I can only imagine what it's like to be in your shoes right now. I think about you constantly and find myself weeping for you while cooking, driving, grocery shopping, etc. No parent wants to say goodbye to their child. It shouldn't be this way. Why God chose this journey for you, your family and Christian....I'm not sure...but he has a plan. Megan I am so sorry that your sweet child is no longer here on earth with you. You are now beginning a new journey and through time, healing will come. As a woman & a human being, you are my inspiration. You are an incredible mother and I thank you for sharing your story. You have touched and changed my life forever. I hope to one day have the honor of meeting you. I will continue to fulfill your prayer requests and continue to wait until you post again. May God and Christian carry you through this painful time. All glory is His. May you find peace.

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  6. Dear Megan and Chris: I have never met you but I have been following Christian's Fight (from Edmonton, AB)through your writing about him. He was certainly a courageous little warrier. I think God chose you for Christian's parents as he knew you would give everything you had to make his life on earth as full of love and happiness as you possibly could and this came through very clearly in your blog. I pray that you will continue your faith in God to see you through your pain and grieving. Christian touched many hearts for such a little person. Heaven has a new angel and I believe he is there in a very beautiful, happy place surrounded by love. May the memories of all the happy times shared with Christian and his sister and brother and you and Chris comfort you until you are re-united with him there. My sincerest condolences to all of you.
    Marj Adams

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  7. Tears fall, far and wide. The pain of your loss is shared by so many. What a testament to the impact Christian had in his life here with us - a life too short in time but so great in meaning. What a blessing to have known him! What heartbreak that he had to leave us to be truly free. Christian has found peace. Now we pray for yours. Brandi and family

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  8. Megan
    My familys heart goes to yours as you go through this tuff time! Sucha struggle to get through! I have read every blog post of yours since you started! Cryed many times reading over them, and smiled at others as I look at what an amazing fight Christian had put up with!
    Saw a picture a while ago of my Grandma Shirley in here! Amazing to know got to be there and spend time with you all!
    you also know my mom Kjeryn Mollerup. Shirley and Victors daughter.
    I remember the first I had met you guys when you came down to my new house when we moved in! Chriatian was just a little baby!
    Pray for you guys every night
    Won't stop.
    Love and healing to your family <3 xo
    may God be with you and touch your familes heart with healing and comfort!
    -Ciera

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  9. I want to say why .but even if I had an answer it wouldn.tmake me miss you any less.I will miss your smile.your big hug.your silly ways.playing. starwars with you. I guess I will just miss you big big big big. Love you big my little monkey butt nanny

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  10. I'm sorry for you all that God in His wisdom had plans that didn't include earthly healing for Christian. I'm crying with you all for the lovely little boy you will miss. I'm smiling at the image of him dancing with Jesus, his beautiful smile shining for all to see, bringing even more joy to Heaven.
    Thank you for sharing so honestly your pain and your fears, your faith and your trust.
    Thank you for allowing me to be part of this journey with you all.
    My prayers are for you all, that you will find a new 'normal' in your life, that you will remember the good times with joy and smiles, and that you will cling tight to our wonderful saviour through all the tough, sad times ahead.
    xxx

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  11. Dear Megan: My son is the same age as Christian. Thanks to you and your blog, I hug him and spend more time with him each and everyday. I can't and don't want to imagine your pain. Please know that you have brought me closer to a place I've never been before. I love you for that. xoxo

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  12. Will continue to pray for your family. Christian deserves the life he is living now, pain free, happy, no more tears, safe in the arms of Jesus. Perhaps this earthly life just wasn't good enough for that amazing little boy. God bless all of you.

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  13. Sincerest condolences to you and your family. Although I'd never met Christian, I will be a better person for having known him through your writings. Such strength and courage through his struggles, an inspiring little person. He will be missed by many more than you can imagine. God bless.

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  14. Megan & Family, I am so sorry for your loss. Christian has inspired so many people, people that don't even know him or yourself. He was a mighty warrior who faught his battle to the end but unfortunately God had another plan for little Christian. I will pray for strength for you and your family while you are healing from the terrible pain of losing your precious little angel.
    My family has followed your blog since the beginning and we have been touched by what a special little guy he really was. We have had to deal with cancer in our lives too, it is never easy but even harder when you lose someone so young and innocent.
    We are from Truro,NS and I know that a lot of people here in Truro have been praying for Christian.
    I hope you can all find peace and healing now. Hugs to you all

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  15. we will keep praying for you & your family. you will be in our hearts & minds for a long time to come. You & Christian have really touched our lives. We pray God will comfort all of you. Thanks so much for sharing your lives with us.

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  16. I have never met you our your lovely Angel but I know several people who love you dearly. My thoughts go out to you. May you live in peace knowing you were always there for your soon and that he will always be apart of you.

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  17. RIP Christian. May you enjoy all the playlands of Lego in Heaven and run free of pain and suffering. God be with all here on earth who will miss you but will meet you again some day.

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  18. there are no words ...thinking of you all ... continually... little ... Christan .. was a little warrior ... beautiful little warrior .. an yes he in heaven with his angels ...he has become a special part of all our lives an yous all always will be ..my heart bleed for you all .. you both are special ...yous have a beautiful family ...
    thank you Megan for sharing with us this journey ,,, prsying for you all
    love EVIE oulton

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  19. Thinking of you and your family EACH and EVERY day.

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  20. Megan & Chris my heart aches for you both. Christian had the world praying for him but God wanted someone very Special and he called Christian home. I cannot imagine the sadness you feel at this time. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being able to share your journey with everyone. You showed so much love and devotion as a wife and a mother during such difficult times. I now Pray for you & Chris that God will be with you as you strugle with your grief.
    Take Care
    Hugs & Prayers
    Ellie

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  21. Dearest Megan And Chris,

    My heart bleeds for your loss but Christian is now with our Lord and savior.

    He is pain free now.

    Thank-you for allowing us to go on this journey with you and to be able to pray along side of you.

    May the Good Lord comfort you and your loved ones at this difficult time.



    Love Debbie Tiggelaar XOXO

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  22. Megan and Chris, God granted you an amazing child for a purpose, although his time was short his life will live on in the thousands of lives he touched. I have faith that your family will continue Christians Legacey with God given strength. My relationship with God and my children will never be the same because of your family and your beautiful boy. I pray that you, Megan, will not cease to write. I'm not sure if you completely grasp the effect your word has on everyone who reads it. You have a gift, please continue to use it to touch the lives of many. You will continue to be in my prayers morning, noon and night. God Bless.

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  23. Dear Megan and family,...I am so sorry for your loss,...you truly have had a wonderful little boy for such a short time....we don't know each other,...but his angelic little smile will always stay with me. My heart broke when I learned of his passing....I can't imagine the grief that you all share, and how the loss of this special little man will impact your life. God bless you for your faith though,...I believe you have taught us all a thing or two about strength, compassion, love, healing and, of course,...faith.
    Take care of you and your family....I will be sending out prayers to you and yours to help lighten the load of such heavy hearts <3 xoxo

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  24. When God answers our prayers, God sees what is really needed, not necessarily what we want. Your precious gift, your child is free of pain and with one who loves him more than we can imagine. You will all continue to be in my prayers -- prayers for your highest good. With God's help you will heal if you allow it. You did all you could, be comforted and be kind to yourselves. Consider this to be from a friend of a friend -- someone you never met but still cares.

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  25. I am so sorry Crowell family and friends.

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  26. How can your heart not be shattered in a million pieces? You've just lost your precious son, the one you fought for and the one you loved the moment he breathed his first to the moment he breathed his last! I do not know you but I have to thank you for your courage. You have gone through every parent's worst fear and yet you chose to go through it with faith, courage, hope,love and tenacity. Reading your story made me come to realize that we cannot take anything for granted, and no one in this life is exempt from the pain of this life. It's made me ask myself the hard question - if God asked me to give up one of my children, would I be able to face it with the same unwavering faith and conviction that you had and the same courage that you had? I would hope so but it has certainly challenged me and my faith - to live every moment for the Lord no matter how big or small the moment, no matter how monumental or mundane, through joy and even through pain! I am so sorry you're having to walk this incredibly hard journey - just know that your story has touched and inspired many! May God graciously continue to give you the courage you need to face each new day without one of the little lights of your life Christian. May His mercies rain down on you fresh each morning! My deepest sympathies to you even though we have never met!

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  27. I have no words. Your family continues to be in my prayers. Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey. Your faith, courage, and love have touched my life, and I will never forget Christian.

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  28. There are no words Megan, just love for you and your family from me and my family.

    Thank you for sharing Christian with all of us.

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  29. I just started reading your blog a few weeks ago. You are a strong woman of faith and I am so sorry for your loss. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14:
    13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
    Thank you for sharing your faith, strength and your sweet boy with us. May you have God's peace and comfort in the minutes, days, weeks and months ahead. My heart breaks for you.

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  30. Thank you for writing this blog entry, Megan, even though it must have been terribly hard to do so. "New Reality" indeed. No words, really, but a lot of thanks to you and your whole family again for sharing your lives with the rest of us, for sharing Christian with us. I know that God is with you and I pray you hang on to Him and to each other in the strength of His Love. Patricia (Antigonish).

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  31. I only just learned of your blog today, but I have great compassion for you and your family. You had a chance to know one of Gods special ones. You have been truly blessed. I know it doesn't seem like a blessing but your son was the greatest blessing you will ever know. I lost my own son almost 18 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of him, but I am much better for having known him and I pray God will be with you through this difficult journey. Your son gave much more to this world than he took, and you should never forget what he gave you. He was a true blessing. Don't ever be afraid to talk about him and all he meant to you. You are in my prayers. God is with you and will bring you through this.
    Catherine

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  32. I have never met you, but I've cried for you and I will continue to pray for you and your beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your wonderful Christian with us.I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray you find peace one day. Christian will always be remembered. Dawn, Crossfield, Alberta

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  33. Megan and Chris we are so sorry for your loss and will continue to pray for you all in this unimaginable time. As many have said, thank you for sharing your amazing son with us. You've taught us to be better parents, to live in the moment, to cherish each passing moment with each other and with our precious children. Your strength and conviction are unwaivering, and we feel honored to have known Christian through your eyes. We will never forget the lessons he taught us about life. Praying for your healing xo
    Craig, Jen and Blakely

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  34. Dear Megan and Chris,
    I am a friend of Lynda and Jack's, through their on line Torah studies. Lynda has kept us well posted on your journey and also I have read your touching blogs.

    We are heartbroken for all of you, at the lost of your dear son, and little trooper, Christian.
    What am amazing child, and I thank Yahweh that Christian was blessed to have you as his parents and the rest of family in his life.
    You are all such an inspiration and a testimony of strength in the Lord
    I will continue to keep you, Chris and all in prayer.

    This is a part of a poem I had sent to you awhile back.

    Our knees brings us
    to the place
    where we receive
    His amazing Grace

    May YHVH PEACE engulf you all

    Love hugs and Blessings
    Linda

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  35. I am so sorry for your loss. Like many other posts here, I have never met any of your family but my daughter and I have prayed for Christian every night for a long time now--for the past few nights now, we have prayed for his family as you are the ones left behind to miss him. I can't imagine what pain you all must be going through as my heart breaks for the loss of an innocent little child. My daughter and I both cried at the news of Christian passing but I tried to explain to an 8 year old that Christian is in a good place--he's now an angel.

    I will continue to pray for your family as you try to figure out how to continue on with a piece of your life missing.

    God Bless you all,

    Colleen

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  36. I have read your posts and prayed for God to perform His ultimate miracle in your lives as if Christian were my own. Your love, pleading, philosophy and trust in God speaks directly to my heart. On Tuesday morning, while my son was in surgery, I brought a gift to Oncology for Christian and a card and gift for you and Chris. When the receptionist told us you had left early that morning I was gripped by grief that hasn't let up. I am wrestling so much with the shock that God didn't fulfill the desires of our hearts, when I so believed he would. I can not begin to imagine the agony your family feels, when mine(a virtual stranger) is so raw. My biggest prayer is that you are lifted up by the supernatural presence of God and that all the prayers that are going out for your family now will at the very least be answered, and that your suffering can be inexplicably eased by some Almighty power that I only hope exists in times like these. I am so very sorry for your devastating, crushing loss, you are in my prayers and will continue to be. In Christ, Melanie Cantius (A fellow Jamie's Preschool mom to Noah)

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  37. I too have not met you or your family but have read, followed your long and arduous journey and prayed for your entire family. I cannot imagine your place of pain, but I believe Christian is already fulfilling an earthly mission of showing us what true courage, strength, love and patience is. May you find some solice in how wonderful a mother you are to Christian and know that you are the perfect family for this inspirational boy. Many love and prayers to all of you during the difficult road ahead.

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  38. May you all find peace. Prayers and thoughts, love and strength.

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  39. Megan,
    I am deeply sorry. I continue to pray for you and your family and for his beautiful spirit who is with you. I have also been following and reading your posts from Ontario. I saw in every post, especially in the 'every day' goings-on in his life with you, how loved that beautiful boy was. What a gift to have a life where all he knew was pure, honest, deep love. That's not something many people know or feel - he did.
    Know too that you did so much - and never ever question the choices you made (from treatment choices to timing of certain tests or scans...or whatever) because to berade yourself with 'should haves/ could haves/ or if onlys' would not have stopped this from happening. As moms we tend to think we can or at least should be able to foresee harm or illness in our kids, but that is not true. You are human- and that power is held by only One. So know that you didn't cause it, could not control how or why it progressed - nor could you cure him of it.
    You were an amazing mom to him ... I can see that even from across the country, and never even meeting you. I love that you had such special moments with him - like when you described the times you had when the other kids were asleep and he and you played on the bed, and when you would lie head to head ... Yes, he felt all of your love, you gave him the kind of love that has no words - it's too deep.
    Know you are in prayers if people everywhere - and that I grieve for you all and send healing love your way.

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  40. I pray for you and your family during this sad time. At times throughout your blog you would write it as a letter to Christian - don't stop. Write to him when you miss him or when Evelyn does something funny or Ryan has learned something new. Write to him and imagine what he is doing in his healthy and strong body. This is one of those times that you takked about God lifting you and carrying you on his shoulders until you are anle to stand on your own. Lean on God, he will help you and your family get through this. Christian believed in God and Jesus told him '3 times' that he will fix his tummy, and now he has. You did everything humanly possible for Christian including the most difficult, letting him go to God. You and your husband are amazing and Christian, Evelyn and Ryan are so fortunate to have you for parents. Much love and prayers....

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  41. No words, Megan. Just tears and a smile because Christian is now running through fields in his Star Wars getup fighting some bad guys (sorry Christian, still can't remember their names) and having a ball! Hugs, my dear. Tracey

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  42. I don't know you but I have been reading this blog for a while. I cried so much when I read this. I feel as though I got to know your wonderful family. You have a never ending supply of love and I hope you never lose that. Christian seemed like such a beautiful and kind little boy. Always caring for others even when he was sick. Sign of a wonderful person. I hope you stay strong and know your story has touched many people and has inspired me to never give up hope.

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  43. I have never met you, but have followed your story and have been deeply touched by Christian's story as well as how truly inspiring you are. You have handled this situation with so much grace. My heart breaks for you and for your family. I will continue to think of you and pray for you all. Christian's story will be forever remembered in my heart and the hearts of many across the globe.

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  44. Megan,we all know where Christian is and there is no pain or sorrow for him ever again. But I can't imagine the pain and sorrow that all of you are experiencing with his physical presence gone. All I can do is mourn and grieve with you, because Christian belongs to all of us who have been walking this road with you. I have come to love the Crowells of Airdrie and can never forget you. So I will remember you and continue to pray for you.

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  45. I do not know you personally, but my heart aches for you as I am the mother of a 3 year old. Losing a child is something that no parent should have to do. Reading your blog, Christian was a fighter and stronger than I could ever wish to be. He rests in the arms of Jesus now, and that is something to indeed celebrate. The gift of everlasting life. Please know I am praying for your family, as is my house church. Please look to God and find comfort in his word and promises, as well as all of us who love and pray for you. We share in your pain of losing such a precious boy.

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  46. Dear Megan, I want to thank you for being the amazing Mom you are. Your example of faith, gratitude and grace in the most heartbreaking time is an inspiration to me and to so many around you. I will always remember your Christian as the beautiful soul that he is, so full of strength and love. As your sweet boy has done, may you and Chris and your family also find peace and eventually healing in the arms of Jesus. You are all in our thoughts and prayers, and will stay there for a long time. Sure love you. Vanessa

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  47. Megan and Family
    Like some readers of your blog, I have never met you but I would say you are an amazing family and the amount of strenght you all have is amazing. Your son sounds like he was a fighter and a great boy, you have made me hug my kids a little tighter every day and kiss them a little more everyday as well. God now has the most amazing angle in heaven that he will ever have. May you find the strenght in each other and your family to get through this horrible loss. May your other children know how much they are loved and how much their big brother loved them. God bless and all the best to you and your family.

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  48. I cannot begin to fathom what your family is going through. You all fought so hard and you did right by your son. He knew he was loved and he loved you back.

    I am sure he looks over you now and knows all you did for him and how deeply you love him.

    I pray that your faith guides you through this heavy time as you are faced with your new reality.

    I am so very sorry this happened to your family.

    Lise W.

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  49. Dear parents

    I have followed your son fight since Lorri have kept praying for christian fight.
    He is a true trooper, here on earth and will still be in heaven.
    One thins I have learn to accept, is our childrens are first jesus children,a gift for us parents, and all parents are never ready to share back with jesus. I have loss a brother 37 years ago, and im sure it s nothing like a child. The pain is still here today, but time helps to learn to remember all the precious time spent together, that is what i remember today how much i love and always will love him.I will keep your family in my prayers and chritians fight in my heart. Thank you for sharing

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  50. i have been falling this blog for quit a long time , i am very sorry to hear of yur sons death, he up in heaven and been taking care of up, there my heart goesa out too yu and please take care. and also this monday a little girl that we knew has passed away from cancer as well she was in and out of remission as well , she was a patient at the calgary childrens hospital here in calgary as well. god bless yu all.

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  51. I was touched by your strength and courage with Christian's fight. Through a friend who was praying, I came to learn about your family. Even though I don't know your family personally, we are all part of God's family, and I prayed for your family and for Christian. I am so sorry to hear that even through all the prayers, Christian was not able to fight any longer. God must have a plan for him. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers, as you will need your strength now more than ever. God bless you.

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  52. Megan I was your neighbour on Sprucegrove Way, we are so sorry to hear about Christian,you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers, my heart goes out to you and your family at this sad time.

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  53. Megan,

    You don't know me, I was passed a link to Christian's Blog by my Daughter, who suggested she is a "friend of a friend". See, my wife Lee and I are Grandparents and parents too. Your blog makes the strength and fight that Christian had very clear, but also presents the same about you, although in some ways your own personal fight may have just begun. Know that hearts and thoughts are with you, even from total strangers. May you move on to love life again, with the fond memories that you will carry with you always!

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  54. May God bring you and your family great comfort and peace through your heart breaking loss. He hears your prayers and am confident that Christian has no more tears or pain. I have been reading your blog that was posted by a friend who was greatly touched by your son's life as she too was battling cancer. My daughters and I have been praying for Christian and your family and will continue to. Thank you for sharing your life, heart and faith with all of us.

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  55. The story of Star Wars brought Christian into my life. I will be forever grateful. When it comes to Star Wars I am just a little boy in an older body, so for me when I met Christian I found a new friend to escape to a galaxy far, far away with. Star Wars is a story that seems to find its way into your heart. There it finds a home and lives with you long after the final credit scrolls across the screen. It is more than a fun adventure, it is a story that awakens imagination, nurtures innocence and inspires hope. Star Wars is a story of redemption, good triumphing over evil, believing in good when darkness fills the universe. It is a story of Light.
    Christian's life is a story that aligns perfectly with Star Wars in so many ways. With every chapter of his story, often captured and expressed so vulnerably by his mom with every blog entry, Christian awakens our imagination, nurtures our innocence, inspires our hope. His is a story of good triumphing over evil. His is a story of Light. Christian is a Jedi every way. His story has found it's way into our hearts where it has found a home and where it lives.
    The little boy in me will miss my Star Wars friend, but will always remember that the force is with him, always.

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  56. Megan and Family, i want to send my unconditional love and caring for you all through this time, I met you and your family thorugh the Airdrie Swap and Buy and am so honured i was able to, the faith you and your family have is amazing and i know you were the best parents and siblingsand family Christian could have ever asked for, Christan will be the most beautiful angel and will watch over you all, fly high Christain, we will pray for you all everyday and will make it a priority to say as we look up "may the force be will you" Love you all

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  57. Megan, Words can't express how deeply sorry I am for the loss of your Christian. I like so many others am a stranger but was following your blog for some time now and cried so deeply when I heard the news. This brave little boy touched my heart, and your blog was truly inspirational changing my perspective of so many things on so many levels for the better. As a Mother I cannot imagine what you are going through and my heart aches for you, your husband and your family. I can only hope that someday you will all find comfort and peace in knowing that he is without pain and in a beautiful place. Thank you for sharing this journey. You will all stay in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you and continue to give you strength....Rest in peace dear sweet angel.

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  58. Dear Christian's parents,
    I am really sorry to hear about your loss :/ I am one of the many students from Tom Baines who heard about his story, and it's really sad that this brave young boy did not make it past Age6. God bless your family. I will pray for you everyday and every night. May the force always be with Christian. R.I.P

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  59. I have been crying for a good hour thinking of you and your poor baby boy, and the pain and sorrow youi must be going through. Words cannot describe how much i feel for you. I myself have a 5 year old brother with a serious mental disorder. I pray for you Christian, and i am sure that he will acheive, eternal, painless like in the kingdom of god. All the best to you and your poor family. And to you christian, rest in peaace, young one

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