Faithfulness

Cinnamon buns and mommy and daddy's bed - MY FAVORITES!

Well I am not really sure where to begin. It is Sunday night and I am resting here in our bed with Christian, watching Karate Kid for the second time today. Wow - I really don’t have the words to express, or to explain the events of this past week. He has been sick since his last dose of chemo (over a week ago), which we knew was going to make him sick but he just never seemed to recover. He just seemed to keep on getting more and more ill. Despite a visit from my brother and his two young kids (which should have provided him with hours and days of fun) his enthusiasm for everything normal to him was gone. By Friday he couldn’t even get out of bed, he couldn’t lift his own head. Horrible pains in his stomach, constant fevers, bone pains and headaches seemed to be relentless. So in fear, Chris and I packed him up and headed to the hospital praying that his immune system was intact. Praying that there would be an easy answer to what was going in inside of him. Of course the unspoken words were obvious…was this what the end were going to look like?

Merry 'early' Christmas from the Sanders family

We were quickly taken care of at the hospital, blood tests, hydration, medicine, anything and everything to make him feel better. The real kick in the pants was meeting the palliative are team. I cannot describe how difficult it is to be in a place of science that has no room for God. I place with no hope, no encouragement, no faith. I prayed out loud in our hospital room that science and the enemy wouldn’t be able to speak any negative words to me. That I would be shielded by God’s words and promises. I took everything the doctors had to tell me, everything they said we needed to do to make Christian feel better, then I took it to God. I asked him what we should do. We were told his electrolytes where at critical levels and his liver was not functioning properly (assuming because of pressure from the tumor). So they gave him some fluids, some meds and we spoke with the medical staff briefly (I told the oncologist I didn’t want to know about anything that couldn’t be fixed). Finally we packed Christian up and headed home (of course after a quick stop at the Store Upstairs!) He looked truly horrible. His skin was pale and yellow, the whites of his eyes no longer white, dark circles under his sunken eyes and the spirit of joy gone from his being. I couldn’t stand him looking like this for one more minute.

Is this right?

I immediately felt like I needed help praying. I wanted to be surround by people who believed, as I wanted to believe. I asked some people from our church to come and pray over Christian, hands on prayer. Touching his skinny body, his fragile fingers and toes, his sweaty head of hair. We prayed and prayed and then I prayed some more. Around 1:30 am I gave him his nighttime meds and prepared for a long night of pain medication and trying to calm his anxiety that rose with every attack of pain. We prayed about a dome of protection around Christian as he slept that night, I prayed that God would take care of this so that I would not have to watch him suffer anymore. Well at 10am the next morning I woke with a bit of a shock. He had not needed one dose of pain medication, the yellow in his eyes and skin had faded and he had asked me for juice on three separate occasions that night (crazy after not really drinking or eating much for three days). God answered our prayer that night. His faithfulness to His children is immeasurable. I keep referring the one of my new favorite passages from the bible,

Ephesians 3:20,

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”

Gingerbread houses with the cousins...what a great way to spend Saturday night:)

This verse reminds me that no matter what I ask for, what grand plans I can come up with in my mind, God’s plans are always so much better. He knows so much more, He already knows the desires of my heart and exactly how to fulfill everything I need. So while I am waiting for God’s plans to come to fruition I am trying to learn patience, understanding, compassion for others, and developing my own relationship with God.

All I know for sure is that God has truly revealed himself to us again. The doctors we spoke with on Friday were convinced we would need massive amounts of pain medication, they only see death. I am so thankful for our God who only sees life. Who despite the situation, is working things out for our good. That Christian, whom they were sure was on deaths door, is now rejuvenated and smiling. And all the glory belongs to God.

My prayer requests for this week are: Please pray that both Christian and Jayden would have peace in their hearts, that they would have some type of spiritual understanding about the situation they are in. Peace that we know only God can provide – even for a five year old. I pray that God would shrink the tumor in Christian’s abdomen, relieving the pressure on his liver. I pray that Evelyn and Ryan would have the same peace and reassurance that Jayden and Christian need. I pray for peace for Chris and myself as we cope with the stress of our situation.

Today I am thankful for:

1.Early Christmas from Julia Sanders and her family!!! What an awesome Saturday morning!!!!

2.Goodies from the church (thanks Trinity and Roslyn)

3.Random strangers blessing our family – beyond measure…thank you

4.Ladies from our church willing to come any time of the night for prayer, God bless you

5.God listening to and answering ALL of our prayers