Three Hours

Loving my Make-A-Wish swag!

1105 pm at night. Hours before we leave for Disneyland and I am sitting in bed with Christian scared out of my mind. I was just texting a friend saying that I am in such a weird, funky brain place of being scared yet full of faith, tired yet so excited for what God has planned for us. To tell you the truth I am so drained. TIRED. Not just physically tired but emotionally spent. Not the kind of emotional fatigue that comes with Christmas holiday or planning for some grand event. I am tired like my brain can no longer receive and process information, so unable to even come up with prayers, unsure of what I even need to pray for. People ask me about Christian and I don’t know what to say. Do I believe he is cured? Most of the time, but when I talk about the science and medicine it scares me. Sometimes I have this revelation like I must be crazy….this cancer is so vile and dangerous and powerful…it is surely coming after him again. My only respite is to continually picture those hands of our God tightly clasped around my life, around my kids and my husband and knowing that He has good for us. Not just good for us, He wants to give us everything that He can. Like we, as parents, want to do the best for our kids and give them all we can and do all we can for them because that is what we do. So I need to remind myself that my God loves us at least a million times more and will do one trillion times more good than I could ever muster. So rest my heart. Don’t be afraid Megan. Pray that you don’t know what to pray for. Pray against your fear. Pray against satan and his pitiful attempts to lure me away from God.

Love playing with Evelyn!

When I get scared and unsure I ALWAYS think back to the night of Christian’s surgery. The night that God revealed himself to us. Revealed Himself to us in a way I didn’t know existed. I have often spoken of the details of that evening and how everything came together as only God could organize. People have constantly reminded me that our God is a God of details. One very amazing detail that I never blogged about happened while I was sitting with Loralie outside the operating room. We sat there on these weird shaped couches looking at each other, completely broken. I can still the look in Loarlie’s eyes, they were so full of sadness and sorrow. I was so exhausted and full of fear that I couldn’t pray, move or think. I was completely and totally broken, I had nothing to offer and no hope left in my heart. My soul was convinced that Christian was going and I began my grieving.  But Loralie looked at me and said, we need to give God a chance. She spoke about David and Goliath (which I have previously talked about) and about standing up for God She said to me, “Lets give God three more hours to see what He can do”. I don’t know why she chose three hours and I was in no position to argue. I agreed like I had no other choice and I needed something to cling to. So she prayed that God would use these next three hours to show himself to us, even if we didn’t believe. This was at about 930 (ish), we slowly made our way back to his room to be with family. It was almost midnight when our nurse received a call from the surgical suite to say that everything was going really well but it was going to be another two hours. So everybody went home. Chris and I dug in and readied ourselves for another few hours of anxiety. The rest most of you know – Dr. Brindle came in and told us about taking out the tumor, about the other surgeons reservations and what she had been able to do for Christian. What I didn’t realize until days later was that when she walked into our room at 1230 (ish) it was almost exactly three hours from the time Loarlie prayed that prayer for me. That even though only 30 minutes before hand they had told us it was going to be another two hours, God kept his promise and showed us His amazing glory, in three hours.

Self portrait - what a silly!

Our God is a God of details. And because my friend was faithful enough to ask for certainty, for something tangible to lean on, God answered her prayer. I have never in my life experienced anything like that night. God revealed Himself in such an amazing way, on so many different levels that I cannot deny Him. Yet on a daily basis my fear overcomes everything about me and I forget. I am so thankful we have a God who understands our shortcomings and loves us anyways. I am so grateful that God organized our friendship with the Phaneuf family, the He felt me a worthy person to stand beside them to learn and to be a voice for Him.

Sat like this on the sidewalk for an hour
waiting for his cousins to come and play!

Sunday morning at 930 am we will depart for California and Disneyland courtesy of the amazing Make a Wish foundation. They have some amazing things lined up for Christian to do. None of us who are traveling have ever experienced the park and I am so full of excitement. I am giddy with anticipation, eager to see the looks on their faces when they shake hands with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Darth Vader. Somebody posted the most amazing quote on the Hope for Christian Crowell FB page. I never asked this person to quote them so I pray they don’t mind!

“Mickey Mouse do you know who you are about to meet?? He is no ordinary little boy you know. He has a purpose that is all mapped out and he is a walking miracle. “

I wish I could write his whole story on a T-shirt for everybody to see so they can know how God is guiding and moving in our lives. How much of a fighter he is, how he has changed our lives and taught us about hope and true love, love that surpasses grief, fear and death. He is my Mickey Mouse, my Winnie the Poo and I am so proud of him.

BLESSED

Today I am thankful for:

1.Our God of details

2.Hottub parties with all the kiddies at Uncle Peder’s

3. Make a Wish foundation