Kermit the Christian

Swallowed up by Kermit

Once again I am sitting here in our unit room staring at COP (Canada Olympic Park). It looks to be freezing outside as I watch the snow billow up from hill where they are making fresh snow. Cars continue to scurry back and forth in front of the hospital. I trumped over to the mall for an hour to clear my head and I was amazed at the number of people running around shopping. Already rude, in a hurry and frazzled. I don’t want to be a part of this aspect of Christmas. I want to be at home with my family. I want to rejoice in our gifts and our blessings. Of course those who know me know that I never say no to a shopping outing (I can hear Costco calling my name as we speak!) but I am striving to keep my shopping in check and realistic.

A few of our favorite nurses on the unit just returned from working a week at a makeshift hospital in Haiti. They told stories of children dying from a lack of supplies and resources; mothers who had not eaten in days, sleeping under cribs on pieces of cardboard because they didn’t want to leave their children. Yet these people where thankful, grateful and hopeful for the future. If only those of us who live in here in the developed part of the world had even a brief inkling of how these people live and die – life would be different. I will never again complain about the size of our room, the coarseness of the towels and the quality of the food. These are things that don’t even exist in the hospitals there – never mind walking away from a hospital with your child who will die because there were no resources to save them. God forgive me for my callousness and ignorance toward the people who live this way and I have done so little to help them.

We spent the better part of this last week battling the flu. And when I say “we” I, of course, mean Christian. My little trooper, my little frog, my little hero. It seems to be one hurdle after another for him and he continues to amaze us with his resiliency. He managed his first round of regression chemotherapy like a champ. But this darn flu bug has truly gotten the better of him. I find it so frustrating that I can’t do anything to make him feel better. We were finally admitted to the hospital on Friday after it became apparent that we could not control his sickness at home. He was severely dehydrated from throwing up and couldn’t take any medicine by mouth to help with the sickness. He has eaten and drank so little this past week that his weight has plummeted and his energy levels are about the same. He has been constantly throwing up since last Sunday evening and I wonder if there is any respite in his future?

Trying to stay warm and fight the flu

While we were at the clinic on Friday we were handed a sheet with Christian’s ‘counts’ on them (numbers informing us of how his body is responding to his chemotherapy) and it was basically zero’s down the line. Even though we know what the drugs are doing to his immune system, it is always such a shock to see that zero and to know that he has no immune system. We breath a sigh of relief when they decide to keep him knowing full well that being in the unit is the safest place for him when he is neutropeonic. Fluids, pain meds and other drugs to help him feel better are readily available so we take a deep breath and try to relax now that we have some help in getting him better. Next week we will most likely begin the process of aphoresis (harvesting his own stem cells). This involves Christian being hooked up to a very large machine that draws his blood out and removes his ‘baby red blood cells’ and then puts the blood back into his body. They then take these cells and make stem cells for him to have after his final blast of chemo. It is a very precise and complex process that will most likely be done in the ICU as he will most likely be sedated for part of the process which can take anywhere from a few hours to a few days to compete.

Enjoying a horsey ride at the Millarville Christmas Market

Despite Chris and I feeling the comfort from being at the hospital, Christian is getting pretty tired of all of this – tired of feeling sick, tired of all the antics. Refusing to walk around or even participate in playing with his batman toys. I know he is extremely frustrated and bitter about being so sick. As a family we are tired of running around to and fro the hospital. Evelyn and Ryan are coping as good as little ones do - but Ryan has become very clingy and always rushes for the door when he sees someone put on their shoes – for fear of being left behind. I eagerly anticipate the days ahead when Christian wants to run around and chase his cousins with his swords and we can enjoy some family time together in our home.

Still able to be silly despite all the sickness!!!!!

For now we battle the nausea, vomiting, leg pains, tired bodies and bored brains with the promise and hope of an amazing new year. The beginning of 2012 will be scary as we look to his stem cell transplant in January. But this next year will also bring healing and hope to our family. We dream of warm beaches, white sand, cool pools, green golf courses, lots of sun and many, many more smiles and laughter. I can picture in my head Evelyn and Christian sitting at a waters edge playing with a few buckets and shovels. I can picture Christian excitedly washing his clubs and mimicking his daddy as they ready themselves for a gorgeous round of golf. I can see Ryan screeching with joy as his Nanny throws him around the water.  I can see my family coming together in a place whose beauty and peace will bring stillness to my heart. I am holding onto these thoughts in my heart and know that someday soon things will be a great deal better. Thanks for reading.

Today I am thankful for:

1.Hospitals with all the supplies you need

2. Handy Manny

3. Fuzzy green frog blankets