Monday, November 7, 2011

Here we go again.........

Then end of a day out 'toy hunting'

It is the dawn of my birthday. I am not afraid of aging and I wish that more women would embrace the wisdom and maturity that comes with years instead of trying to hide their true age. So in about two hours my true age will be 36. Wow a lot seems to have happened since I turned 35. Chris and I have moved into a different home, celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary, had three beautiful birthdays (a one, a two and a four!) and of course spent the better part of this last year helping our son battle cancer. I am so excited to celebrate birthdays as it always a great time to get together with friends and family, eat good food, have good conversation and enjoy each others company. I think it is so important that we relish and embrace all that we accomplish in our days – that we accept all that we have learned from the ridiculous mistakes we have made (yes mother I have been wrong MANY times!) – that we truly acknowledge our gifts. The gift of a stay at home mother, the gift of a father who leaves his children every morning to earn money for his family, the gift of a warm home and food on our tables.  
Sophie and Evelyn's impromptu play date
I had the best birthday gift ever when Christian presented me with a bouquet of fresh flowers. Yum. I always thought that flowers were such a waste of money but have lately come to realize how a beautiful bouquet of flowers, or even a single flower for that matter, can lift a whole room and buoy your spirit. Whenever I look at those beautiful gerberas I think of Christian.
I love his HUGE spirit in his little body
Tomorrow Christian will have his first treatment in his new cycle of regression therapy. AKA “high dose chemo as often as possible in an attempt to try and destroy any micro cancer cells that are left in his body”. Not such a great birthday present. It’s not a day at the spa or a dinner out, its no Paul Brant concert tickets or a Keyboard but I do get to spend the day with my family. I do get to play games with my son and cuddle him to sleep while he gets his chemo. I will get some, “mommy and me” time with Ryan while we run some errands and at some point I hope to get a chance to sit down with Chris and have a cup of Good Earth birthday coffee – thanks Kim! These are the small gifts given each day that I am learning to cherish as I get older and as my kids get older. What did I do on my 36th birthday? I was loved and needed by my family. What a gift.
I pray we get to see this face tomorow after his big dose of chemo
Today Christian had an Echocardiogram to ensure that his heart is functioning properly. The new chemo drug he will be getting can have some adverse affects on the heart so they wanted to check that his ticker is in tip top shape. We will spend the next few days at the hospital and he will get two doses of chemo (one Tuesday and one Wednesday) and one day to hydrate and recover. It is all new ground for Chris and I as we wait to see how his second day of chemo goes. He will be getting his second dose just as he normally is starting to feel a little ill from his first dose. I am praying that the drugs he will be given will curb his nausea and that he can rest. I pray that he has strength to enjoy his toys and watch movies from the DVD cabinet. I pray we get to leave the hospital on Thursday as planned.

Today is November 7th and according to our old plan we would be 8 short days from completing his treatment. So starting over is a tough pill to swallow. I will continue to look for the silver lining. I aim to be the best mom and wife to my family as I am able. I pray that spending the Christmas season in the hospital and within the confines of our home will help to bring us some peace and true understanding of what is important during the Christmas season. I look forward to cold snowy days when we can spend the morning in our PJ’s making cookies, drinking coffee, listening to Christmas music and watching our favorite holiday flicks. I am so thankful we have been granted this time of the year with Chris by our side for the whole day.  So please lift Christian up in your prayers tomorrow as he receives his first high dose of chemotherapy. I will keep you all in the loop as soon as I can. Thank you in advance for the prayers that I know will be extended for Christian tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Soon - we will get to watch a sunset like this one again....

only under much better circumstances...with our WHOLE family

Today I am thankful for
1.     Spending Christians last day of freedom out and about, looking at every toy in every store
2.     Christian falling asleep on my lap as I type this blog
3.     Chris 
4.     Friends who randomly show up at our door on Saturday morning for a visit – thanks Matt, Lindsay and Sophie


  1. Christian missing you is always hard, but alot harder when I know you don't feel well. Everyday I wish and pray that you have no pains and your cancer is gone.The next few months are going to be a hard but you are a little super hero and you need to make sure there are no bad guys left, fight with all you have ,and remember even when I am far away I am thinking of you all the time,and you have the biggest place in my heart. I love you my little Monkey Butt xoxoxoxox

  2. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your journey . Your family has become part of our family in so many ways and we continue to hold you up in prayer. Christian's battle puts so much of life in proper perspective. Just as God has come through so many times in the past He will continue to come through again and again. He is faithful.

  3. Hang in there. Keep faith. There are so many people praying for you and sending you love and well wishes. Your story is beautiful and heartbreaking and inspiring. Love and peace.