HOPE

Enjoying the beaches of Nova Scotia

Nearly a year and a half ago I wrote a blog titled, “There is hope”. It was only my second blog entry ever and I wanted to assure people that we were not sitting at home crying over Christian’s new cancer diagnosis. Once again I believe there is hope. Not because we have been offered chemotherapy or because we are looking into alternative medicine but because we believe in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is the Healer of every illness. I have hope because God has already paved the way for Christian to be healed by putting His life on the cross and shedding His blood for us.

I have hope because each night I lay my hands on Christian’s abdomen and pray to God that He would heal his illness and banish the cancer from his body. And I know He will do this because He loves Christian so much, because He loves Chris and I so much. On our way home from the hospital today Christian rose his hands and closed his eyes as he sang out, “our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than, our God is healer, our God..” The faith of a child is so pure and strong that surely God is listening to his words. Christian knows that God is the ultimate healer and the Man responsible for giving him health. I have surrendered everything in my heart and soul; I have surrendered my anger and my fears. I don’t know if the sick feeling in my stomach will ever go away but I have peace knowing that God is on our side and in control. He has orchestrated this day just so, and as such has given Chris and I the tools we need to battle through these tough days. He has given us the ability to learn to love and enjoy each day as it is presented to us.

Don’t get me wrong – each day is a struggle and everyday I wake up and say, “oh yeah, I forgot, ok here we go again…..” Each day I must surrender my life to God and the life of my child to God. But knowing that God wants this responsibility, knowing that God doesn’t want us to fear or worry is what gives me peace. Pastor Doug is forever reminding me that none of us is promised another day on this earth, thus each morning my eyes open are a gift and I give thanks for the day. I give thanks for the opportunity to love my kids, play with them, tickle them and tease them. I am so grateful for amazing our family who supports us and wants Christian to be better. I am grateful for the people who are praying for us because I know it is bringing me peace and calm in my heart when I should be climbing the walls. I promised myself that I will not spend time thinking about what Christian’s funeral would look like or feeling sad that my time with him might be limited. Instead I want to try and focus on making sure each day is amazing and fun for him. I want to be thankful for the time we are given together and that each moment and emotion be heightened. I will not say good bye to him one minute before I have to.

Today Christian had a bone scan that came up clear which means his cancer has not spread – this is a great thing. We were offered some chemotherapy to help with shrinking the existing tumor. We are also looking into some alternative therapy and praying the God will light the way and show us what to do.

I am scared. I am unsure. I am weary. But God calls us to come and call on Him in these times and that is exactly what I am doing. I am asking for help, I am finding people to pray with and calling on him to provide us with strength. Mostly I am calling on Him to heal Christian’s body. To rid his abdomen of cancer and restore him to the way a five year old should be. I am choosing to believe that God will heal Christian, not just that He can, but that He will!

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for one who believes." (Mark 9:23 NIV)

Today I am thankful for:

1.Listening to Evelyn talk to her animals, and the stuffed broccoli, whom she promises she won’t eat, her cow might, but she won’t

2.Uncle Nathan who plays unselfishly with my children

3.Calm and peace that can only come from God

He loved the boat!