HERE WE GO........AGAIN

First day of high dose chemo

I am sitting here in our unit room staring at a blank screen. Where do I start? What do I write about? My brain and my heart are experiencing so many different emotions I can’t focus on any particular one. I am so relieved that our treatment has finally started. I am so excited that we have only three chemotherapy sessions left in our whole treatment protocol. I am so scared for Christian – how much pain will he be in? Can I help him manage his discomforts and fears? I am thrilled to actually start thinking about what kind of trip we want to go on. I am tired, so unbelievably tired. I have a hard time leaving the hospital and when I do leave I don’t know where to go. I always seem to want to be where I am not. When I am at home I miss Christian terribly and wonder if he is sad or scared or in pain. When I am at the hospital I wonder if Ryan and Evelyn are asking about Chris and I. Are they wondering why all of a sudden the house is so quiet. I am sooooooooo thankful that Chris’ mom, Marilyn, is able to come out and be with us during this time. I wouldn’t be able to physically cope with out help, knowing that Marilyn has the patience and energy to take Evan to the mall and let her wonder Toys R Us for hours on end. I am thankful that my mom graciously accepts Ryan into her house every morning for a visit and a ram shacking of her place! I am so thankful for all of the positive and reassuring comments from friends, messages of hope and prayer. I am thankful for food that finds its way to our front door and friends that lend us their vehicles when we find ourselves with only one!

Christian and Nurse Ellen in her chemo 'getup'

So here we are: day minus 4. Each day closer to transplant day is considered a minus and transplant day is day zero. From transplant day we then count up: plus 1, plus 2 and so on. Until the day we get to go home. Many numers have been thrown around but it seems that plus 21 is the average for discharge. There are many kids on the unit who have just completed their transplant and are so doing well, getting discharged early.  Smashing theories about how long it is supposed to take kids to heal from transplant. Let’s pray Christian can join this elite group of kids whose inner strength and perseverance has led them through their cancer journey. A courageous battle ending with a theoretical piece of paper saying, “cancer remission”. How I long for the trials to end for Christian. I have peace in my heart because I know that Christian is taken care of. But I am so excited to see him grow, become friends with his brother and sister and get in trouble for being naughty! I am overjoyed with the notion of “normal life” but I am also cautious that we don’t forget the lessons we have learned. I will keep you posted as we get closer to transplant day. Please continue to hold Christian up in your prayers, prayers for strength and speedy healing. Prayers for quick bone marrow grafting and limited pain. Thanks for reading

Bath every 6 hours to wash off chemo excreted from his skin

Today I am thankful for:

1.     Unit 1 nurses who go the extra mile

2.     Understanding

3.     Pictures on our unit room wall

My sweet little pink kitty kat!!!!