Saturday, February 11, 2012


First day of high dose chemo

I am sitting here in our unit room staring at a blank screen. Where do I start? What do I write about? My brain and my heart are experiencing so many different emotions I can’t focus on any particular one. I am so relieved that our treatment has finally started. I am so excited that we have only three chemotherapy sessions left in our whole treatment protocol. I am so scared for Christian – how much pain will he be in? Can I help him manage his discomforts and fears? I am thrilled to actually start thinking about what kind of trip we want to go on. I am tired, so unbelievably tired. I have a hard time leaving the hospital and when I do leave I don’t know where to go. I always seem to want to be where I am not. When I am at home I miss Christian terribly and wonder if he is sad or scared or in pain. When I am at the hospital I wonder if Ryan and Evelyn are asking about Chris and I. Are they wondering why all of a sudden the house is so quiet. I am sooooooooo thankful that Chris’ mom, Marilyn, is able to come out and be with us during this time. I wouldn’t be able to physically cope with out help, knowing that Marilyn has the patience and energy to take Evan to the mall and let her wonder Toys R Us for hours on end. I am thankful that my mom graciously accepts Ryan into her house every morning for a visit and a ram shacking of her place! I am so thankful for all of the positive and reassuring comments from friends, messages of hope and prayer. I am thankful for food that finds its way to our front door and friends that lend us their vehicles when we find ourselves with only one!
Christian and Nurse Ellen in her chemo 'getup'
So here we are: day minus 4. Each day closer to transplant day is considered a minus and transplant day is day zero. From transplant day we then count up: plus 1, plus 2 and so on. Until the day we get to go home. Many numers have been thrown around but it seems that plus 21 is the average for discharge. There are many kids on the unit who have just completed their transplant and are so doing well, getting discharged early.  Smashing theories about how long it is supposed to take kids to heal from transplant. Let’s pray Christian can join this elite group of kids whose inner strength and perseverance has led them through their cancer journey. A courageous battle ending with a theoretical piece of paper saying, “cancer remission”. How I long for the trials to end for Christian. I have peace in my heart because I know that Christian is taken care of. But I am so excited to see him grow, become friends with his brother and sister and get in trouble for being naughty! I am overjoyed with the notion of “normal life” but I am also cautious that we don’t forget the lessons we have learned. I will keep you posted as we get closer to transplant day. Please continue to hold Christian up in your prayers, prayers for strength and speedy healing. Prayers for quick bone marrow grafting and limited pain. Thanks for reading
Bath every 6 hours to wash off chemo excreted from his skin

Today I am thankful for:
1.     Unit 1 nurses who go the extra mile
2.     Understanding
3.     Pictures on our unit room wall
My sweet little pink kitty kat!!!!


  1. I can't help but think tonight as I read the blog of the long journey Israel had from Egypt to the promised land. When they finally reached the land and were told to go in and possess it, fear was stronger than their faith in the one who brought them through every obstacle along the way. We are approaching our families promised land and the enemy may try and scare us off but we will possess the land that our Father has promised us because He is leading the way and He is unstoppable.

  2. PTL and Hallelujah! I've been checking the blog several times a day and thankyou, thankyou for news. Yay! We are on the way. This message will go with us to church tomorrow and we WILL keep praying. God grant you strength, Megan. Remember He promises to never give us more than we can bear. I LOVE the photo of the 3 kids in the big chair. Kisses to all. M & B

  3. Supernatural strength for you, Megan and Chris, and the fullness of the healing Trinity in Christian.

  4. Thank you so much for the update! Our fingers are crossed and the prayers are flowing. Yesterday I bowed my head at work and my co worker asked me what was wrong! I told her I was sending love and strength to a very special family through GOD!
    ~ Crystal

  5. Praying, praying, PRAYING!! Praying for absolute, complete healing for Christian. Praying for strength and rest and peace for you and Chris. Praying for Evelyn and Ryan to know that they are loved, to know that they matter during this crazy, upside down time. Be blessed, Crowell Family. The finish line is within sight!

  6. Praying. Christian's healing is yes and Amen in Christ Jesus!

  7. What a strong boy. I will pray for complete healing and little discomfort.

  8. We will continue praying the goodness of God in this little precious lamb, may the Lord continue to give you strength, more of His love and trust, be blessed Crowell Family!!!

    The Lord your God little Christian wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love.
    (Zephaniah 3:17)

  9. Fight, fight, FIGHT Christian. Keep fighting. Hang in and hang on. There are so many people pulling for you and praying for you. There's all that love. We are here...

    Lise Wendt

  10. praying for this little boy and his family......

  11. Your strenght gives me strength ,keeping you all in prayer ,May His healing hands work His grace and peace in your lives ,Christian you are a marvel ,keep up the smile ,remember Jesus is ever so close to you as you go through all this ,feel His breath on you hon ,

  12. Hi Megan, I sent you an email and when ever you want a Star Wars visit just let this stormtrooper know and if I can have a little notice I will try to get my boss Darth Vader to join me and we'll bring some Star Wars diversion your way.