HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

Well we made it through the four days of around the clock baths. I thought it was going to be horrible but true to Christian’s nature he just rode it out like it was another job he needed to get done. The first middle of the night bath our awesome nurse, Sam, described the experience as trying to put a cat in the bathtub. However after the initial shock he developed his usual acceptance and did what he had to do. I am always so flabbergasted that he copes so well. I can only imagine how I would feel if somebody woke me out of a dead sleep to jump into a tub of water. Well I guess I did breastfeed three children so maybe I do have a small inkling for the feeling of being yanked from your warm bed in the middle of the night to suite somebody else’s needs! A chore I wouldn’t trade for the world. What a gift to hold your warm baby in your arms and watch them nurse themselves into food oblivion. Anyways, I digress.

Today is a celebration day. Celebrating the completion of 56 weeks of straight chemotherapy, 13 weeks more than was originally planned. But today we experienced the monumental accomplishment of watching the last dose of chemotherapy hung onto his IV pole. Five straight days of high dose therapy. The last drips of the juxtaposed toxic and lifesaving chemical moving through his lines. The last time the blue pad and blue chemo gown get donned. So despite Christian making a quick move last night to nausea, vomiting and general malaise after five straight days of chemo, we will celebrate Christian’s accomplishment. We will his valiant fight, his courage, his persistence, his drive and most of all his love. We celebrate having the opportunity to hold him again, kiss his chubby cheeks, smell his stinky toes (and listen to his ensuing belly laugh as a result) and look forward to our lifelong affair of making the best of each God given opportunity.

Celebrating last chemo - EVER!!!!!

I am so thankful that these past few days we have been graced with the most amazing nurses on the unit. Chris and I have been so full of anxiety and fear, waiting for the unknown. The nurses on the oncology ward truly have made our lives so much easier. They are working for Christian, they are his advocates and as parents they are our knowledge and support. They love Christian with their whole heart and I feel it every time they walk into the room, every time they watch him cry, throw up, throw a hissy fit or throw his medicines across the room. Courtney, Kathy, Ellen, Christie, Stacey, Meghan, Carol, Emily, Laura, Michaela, Rene and Kelly – just to name a few!

Nurse Kathy giving last chemo

Nurse Christie saying goodbye before maternity leave

Tomorrow is our rest day, never a more appropriate time to celebrate the day of Love. This year we learned new versions of love. A deep gut wrenching, “I can’t live without you love”. We attempt to understand the love our Father has for us and develop a better understanding how important we are to Him. This year I learned about the love strangers can give and about forgiving love – love that isn’t ‘earned’ or deserved but is called upon by God to be given out regardless. Because “we all fall short of the glory of God” it is our duty as followers to love each other as we would like to be loved – imperfections and all. And it is more than obvious than ever that I have fallen short many times this past year, yet my family and friends continue to love and support us. And don’t we all yearn to experience the type of love that a baby gives. A love that holds no grudges and shows no anger? A love that is constant and pure. I am trying to learn the importance of loving myself – just as I have been created, without bounds. And I am trying to learn to love in the same way. An impossible feat I know – but I want to open my heart to the possibility and potential of each soul I meet. Because God orchestrated these meetings and to turn my back on these opportunities would also mean I would be turning my back on God.

My sweet little valentine

Hello? am i the cutest thing you have ever seen?

After our rest day we have two straight days of stem cell transplants (basically looks like getting a blood transfusion – the stem cells even look like whole blood). Then we wait. We wait for his body to accept his new stem cells and his counts begin to rise. Until that point he will remain neutropeonic (no immune system). He will be extremely fragile to any bug that comes his way and any fever or sickness could put his life in jeopardy and extend his healing and recovering time. So please pray for safety and speedy healing for Christian.

King for a day!

I pray each and every one of you reading this gets to experience a Valentines Day beyond a cardboard box full of chocolate. Last year Chris and I got a homemade photo frame that Christian made at the hospital shortly after he was diagnosed. Hospital staff took a picture of him and put it in his homemade frame. It is still sitting on my bathroom counter and it will always be my favorite gift and a reminder of this past year. Love amongst crap. Our circumstances can change and things come and go from our lives but the love of another person, to give and receive, is a part of human agency and nobody can take that away. Love you so much Christian, Evelyn and Ryan . Will you be mommy’s valentine?

Peek a Boo!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY and thanks for reading.

Today I am thankful for:

1.     No more chemotherapy

2.     Cupcakes

3.     Dollar store horn blowers