|I will never get tired of this....never|
Monday, August 22, 2011
A day of realism. Cancer is real. Its effects on its victims is real. The effects it has on families is real. And for too many of us, the outcome is real. Jack Layton passed away today. A victim of cancer. A victim of cancer but not a victim to death. Death is not the end but the beginning of a life that none of us can imagine or dream of. I am so thankful Mr. Layton had the incite to leave a message of hope to Canadians – a message to ‘cancer fighters’ to keep hoping, praying and fighting.
The days go on and on in our brittle lives and the end result is not something discussed or contemplated. But today when we watch a strong man succumb to his disease I have no choice to admit that for some people, for some children –this is the tragic ending to the story. Tragic only in the earthly sense of loss of life, loss to his family and friends, loss to the cancer community. A gain in the holy sense… a spiritual battle already won by our savior Jesus Christ. A battle He has already fought, died and won for us so that these horrible circumstances have hope. We will all one day see how great our God is, one day it will all be clear to us His plan, His purpose. We will see how we have affected the lives of others both positively and negatively.
Without the addition of cancer, most family’s lives are already tumultuous and full of discord. Tonight on our drive home from Antigonish we found ourselves parked on the side of road in the middle of nowhere beside a train track in the rain trying to argue with a three year old who didn’t want to put his pull up on. In desperate need of a bathroom break where no facilities exists – this was the war we waged this evening. It didn’t have anything to do with cancer (except maybe the sudden and desperate urge to go poo!) but it had to do with life with small children. Lots of them. After a serious scream out that did not end well we were all left deflated and feeling sad that this was how a fantastic day of swimming, Washers, and family time had to end. I listen to Chris quietly sob in the back seat while I contemplate the mistakes we are making. When do we need to be stern? When do we allow certain behaviors to go on? What is this cancer doing to his little emotions? Are his skinny little bones and weak, tired body symbolic of his emotional battle? I don’t know the answer to these questions. As parents we will never know that answers to these questions. But the true point is to realize that I do not now, and will never, have the answers. But I do know that God has a plan for us and He wants us to give over our worries, our concerns, our failures, our despair and reach out to him and believe, “I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength”. But I have to ask for it. This doesn’t just apply to Christian, cancer, sickness. It applies to my marriage, to my daily runs, to my parenting. Give it over to God and let him take charge. Be still. Listen
Christian is going to finish this fight. And everyday he inspires me to better. He inspires me to live my life to the umpteenth degree. To not have any regrets about things I could have done. I will make many mistakes in my life. But I don’t want one of those mistakes to be regret. I have a whole bucket list of things I want to do – most of them are frivolous - but some of them require stepping out on a ledge and saying I will take the risk. I will take the risk of looking life a fool or having to say I’m sorry or not being able to complete the task (completing an Ironman is on the list!) The point being is we need to LOVE HARD, SPEAK SOFT, GO AFTER IT, SAY YOUR SORRY, GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. God doesn’t want us to be spectators but leaders in our lives and in our children’s lives. He wants us to be leaders in our communities and affect change for those who can’t affect change for themselves. What will you do today? Today all I can muster is a 4k run and to love my children with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my being. But this is a good start.
Thanks for reading
Today I am thankful for:
1. Aunty Sarah
2. Evelyn spontaneously bursting into song on a difficult drive home
3. Christian grabbing my hand and asking me to stay so he can touch me