Monday, January 16, 2012

Great is Thy faithfulness

Today's hearing tests

I have been wracking my brain for the past week trying to think about what I should write. What would Christian want to hear during this part of his journey? We are standing on the edge of a cliff and I have no idea which way to move. I guess I have been trying not to think about what tomorrow morning’s CT scan will bring. I have felt all along that the cancer was gone from him body and I had really never assumed that Christian’s days were numbered anymore than yours or mine. But as the day creeps closer and closer thoughts come into my mind about the possibility of the scan showing tumors. I can hear the words of our Oncologist saying if anything shows up on the scans, “it is essentially the beginning of the end”. If his body shows signs of tumor growth they have in essence decided that he is not responding to the chemotherapy and there is not much left that they could do for him. I cried and felt sick to my stomach when he spoke those words but then I spoke to a dear friend who reminded me that the doctors don’t realize that we have God on our side….that it is already taken care of – Christian will be healed.
Beautiful Teddy Bear from random stranger who saw Christian
sitting at the hospital today
I don’t find it coincidence when a verse or song presents itself to me over and over. I know I have a hard time being still and listening to God so I feel it is His way of trying to get through to me. Lately I have been drawn to a song (which is really not my style of Christian music but beautiful none the less) called, “Great is Thy faithfulness” by Avalon.
"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be….
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Reminding me that regardless of when or where I am, whatever is going on in my life – good or bad that God is faithful to me in his promises. Promise that all gifts are good – strength for the challenges of today and bright hope for tomorrow. Hope that Christian’s CT scan tomorrow is clear of cancer. Not just any old hope but bright hope. And God never changes – He loves Christian, you and I, today just as much as he did yesterday and just as much as He will tomorrow. His love and faithfulness never change so when so many things are uncertain and unclear and unpredictable in our lives we can look to the One who is predictable.
Ryan as beautiful as ever
Christian has been thriving these past few weeks. He is gaining weight and mobility. He is fairly active and seems interested in learning new things. He loves his DS game and can figure out things that Chris and I can’t seem to do! Up to today he has already had a horde of tests and they have all been good. Tomorrow obviously is the huge test with his CT scan in the morning and his ophthalmology appointment in the afternoon with a dose of chemotherapy in-between! We were at the hospital today for his audiology appointment and his hearing is great! He has some mild damage from one of his chemotherapy drugs but a very very small price to pay to keep him around for another 80 or so years! As I type this we are sitting in bed together watching Australian open – he is purposely cheering for the player opposite the one I am cheering for. He is so cheeky now and I love it – I love watching his personality come back to shape. He closes his DS after a successful star wars mission and says to me, “just kidding I didn’t need your help, I won all by myself!” I am so excited to watch him get older, smarter, kinder, and more loving.
Me and Marilyn
We are so excited for Christian’s nanny and great nanny to come and stay with us for a while during Christians extended hospital stay. February 7th we are officially beginning our high dose treatment (barring Christian getting sick which would prevent him from starting). I am trying to envision what it will be like. There will be so much joy in watching the 7th day of chemo finish, as this will be his last dose of chemotherapy – ever. At the same time we will wait with bated breath for him to get sick. The doses of chemotherapy he will receive are approximately 10 times stronger than anything he has received so far. So it is expected that he will have some yucky and painful side effects. Our prayer is that the consequences of the chemotherapy are swift and accurate and that Christian will pounce the effects much like what he has done over this past year. Thanks for your prayers.
My 'room warming' gift of cookies, cool drinks and soft linens - heaven!

Today I am thankful for:
1.     Small cans of diet Pepsi
2.     Target
3.     Hot tubs, big comfy beds with huge duvets, lots of pillows and quiet, uninterrupted sleep. 


  1. Definitely can see the difference in Christian - he was looking very sick a little while ago when he wasn't eating but now his face is round and glowing. He looks so healthy! YAY YAY YAY!

  2. Can't wait to see you all, Christian Nanny misses you so much ,pray for you each morning before I start my day and every night before I go to sleep.Today I send you the biggest hug and maybe a tickle on your feet because I love your laugh. See you soon my little Monkey Butt.

  3. I am praying so hard Megan. So many people are. You are not alone. So many people are sending you love and strength today when Christian is getting the CT done. Praying for clear results.

    The Christmas card you sent out is amazingly beautiful. Thank you so very much. It is on my fridge for me to see and send a quick prayer out to you several times a day. Keep hanging on.

    Lise Wendt.

  4. Praying for positive results on the CT Scan.....and health, ahappiness, and unending hope! With God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

  5. Love to all of you...........the bed's here for you ANYTIME and I promise bigger cans of Pepsi next time! We will be praying for you today as the tests go on that all will be POSITIVELY good news for Christian and for you. Hugs.

  6. Hi Megan, we are friends of Erin and Drew Hiller and have been following Christian's fight! We are praying for you and your family that God will shower you with health, love and healing.. I don't know how you are coping through all this but know you are in many people's thoughts and prayers! God bless you all! Kristine Wolfson

  7. Praying hard and hoping, hoping, hoping the CT scan comes back clear.

    Hugs, strength and courage to all of you

  8. Hi Megan,

    I found your blog through a friend on Facebook, and I look forward to each of your posts. I also have a child battling cancer and know too well how living on the edge feels. There are so many moms and dads that I have met through our journey, and the one underlying theme is the "scanxiety" as I have heard it referred to, the anxiety that strikes us before the big test, and the sleepless nights that plague us while we run through all of the what ifs while trying to stay positive and put a smile on for our children so we can be brave for them.

    I know that nothing I say will bring you any comfort, and I am sure you know all to well that everyone who knows of you and your little boy Christian will pray for you and wish you well, but I thought I would let you know that there are tons of people following your blog and sending their prayers to whichever god will listen. I will pray that you receive a miracle, as I believe that is what I received last year when our results showed tumour regrowth and we were preparing for palliative care to come set up, when miraculously my daughters tumour disappeared on her follow up scan 5 days after we received the news that she was going to die as there were no further treatment options in our case. We have been lucky enough to have no recurrence to date, and the only thing we all can believe is that it truly was a miracle granted by god. So don't give up hope!

    I also found an awesome family that runs a non profit called NEGU (never ever give up) of which their daughter and inspiration (Jessie) recently earned her wings, but in her honour they are continuing to fundraise and provide Joy Jars to kids also fighting cancer. you should check them out online, they would more than likely send Christian a Joy Jar and spread the word of this fabulous little girls legacy.

    Wishing you the best, and praying for great news!


  9. Praying that Christian keeps moving onward and upward and that the CT scan results are simply AMAZING!!

  10. Look at those beautiful, chubby cheeks? Megan and Chris, Christian looks amazing. What strength he shows and now that the CT scan was so darned great, it's "onwards and upwards" indeed. :) Much love and friendship! Tracey