Great is Thy faithfulness

Today's hearing tests

I have been wracking my brain for the past week trying to think about what I should write. What would Christian want to hear during this part of his journey? We are standing on the edge of a cliff and I have no idea which way to move. I guess I have been trying not to think about what tomorrow morning’s CT scan will bring. I have felt all along that the cancer was gone from him body and I had really never assumed that Christian’s days were numbered anymore than yours or mine. But as the day creeps closer and closer thoughts come into my mind about the possibility of the scan showing tumors. I can hear the words of our Oncologist saying if anything shows up on the scans, “it is essentially the beginning of the end”. If his body shows signs of tumor growth they have in essence decided that he is not responding to the chemotherapy and there is not much left that they could do for him. I cried and felt sick to my stomach when he spoke those words but then I spoke to a dear friend who reminded me that the doctors don’t realize that we have God on our side….that it is already taken care of – Christian will be healed.

Beautiful Teddy Bear from random stranger who saw Christian
sitting at the hospital today

I don’t find it coincidence when a verse or song presents itself to me over and over. I know I have a hard time being still and listening to God so I feel it is His way of trying to get through to me. Lately I have been drawn to a song (which is really not my style of Christian music but beautiful none the less) called, “Great is Thy faithfulness” by Avalon.

"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be….

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Reminding me that regardless of when or where I am, whatever is going on in my life – good or bad that God is faithful to me in his promises. Promise that all gifts are good – strength for the challenges of today and bright hope for tomorrow. Hope that Christian’s CT scan tomorrow is clear of cancer. Not just any old hope but bright hope. And God never changes – He loves Christian, you and I, today just as much as he did yesterday and just as much as He will tomorrow. His love and faithfulness never change so when so many things are uncertain and unclear and unpredictable in our lives we can look to the One who is predictable.

Ryan as beautiful as ever

Christian has been thriving these past few weeks. He is gaining weight and mobility. He is fairly active and seems interested in learning new things. He loves his DS game and can figure out things that Chris and I can’t seem to do! Up to today he has already had a horde of tests and they have all been good. Tomorrow obviously is the huge test with his CT scan in the morning and his ophthalmology appointment in the afternoon with a dose of chemotherapy in-between! We were at the hospital today for his audiology appointment and his hearing is great! He has some mild damage from one of his chemotherapy drugs but a very very small price to pay to keep him around for another 80 or so years! As I type this we are sitting in bed together watching Australian open – he is purposely cheering for the player opposite the one I am cheering for. He is so cheeky now and I love it – I love watching his personality come back to shape. He closes his DS after a successful star wars mission and says to me, “just kidding I didn’t need your help, I won all by myself!” I am so excited to watch him get older, smarter, kinder, and more loving.

Me and Marilyn

We are so excited for Christian’s nanny and great nanny to come and stay with us for a while during Christians extended hospital stay. February 7^th we are officially beginning our high dose treatment (barring Christian getting sick which would prevent him from starting). I am trying to envision what it will be like. There will be so much joy in watching the 7^th day of chemo finish, as this will be his last dose of chemotherapy – ever. At the same time we will wait with bated breath for him to get sick. The doses of chemotherapy he will receive are approximately 10 times stronger than anything he has received so far. So it is expected that he will have some yucky and painful side effects. Our prayer is that the consequences of the chemotherapy are swift and accurate and that Christian will pounce the effects much like what he has done over this past year. Thanks for your prayers.

My 'room warming' gift of cookies, cool drinks and soft linens - heaven!

Today I am thankful for:

1.     Small cans of diet Pepsi

2.     Target

3.     Hot tubs, big comfy beds with huge duvets, lots of pillows and quiet, uninterrupted sleep. 

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