HAPPY NEW YEARS

Life is good - especially with my new Boston hat!!!!!

Papa Norm and Aunty Sarah getting in a little bit of last love

Well what can be said about what the year 2011 has brought to our family? And what can we anticipate 2012 will bring us? 2011 will forever be a year that changed our lives. We entered the year with great expectations of health, prosperity and happiness. Well 20 short days after the New Year was rang in we learned that ‘our goals’ for the new year no longer mattered and despite what we thought was important for us, God had a different plan for our family. Christian was diagnosed with cancer in the early morning hours of January 20^th.  Knowing how fragile our days are, my expectations for 2012 exist in today only. What can I do today to make sure my kids know they are loved? What can I do today to show my husband how much I appreciate him. What can I do today to glorify God and bring peace to my heart and the spirit of my home? Tomorrow will take care of itself. This doesn’t mean that I am not dreaming of the future, hope and praying for health and healing in our house. Dreaming of the day we will sit on a beach and feel the warmth of the sun on our faces. Dreaming of watching Evelyn, Christian and Ryan playing on the beach while Chris and I watch with joy in our hearts. Still there are many moments in our lives right now that bring me such intense joy. Watching Evelyn give Christian a hug as he heads out the door for his chemo. Listening to Ryan toddle around the house yelling out, “Ebby! Ebby!” Listening to Christian quote lines from Home Alone and then giggle quietly to himself.

Post chemo - a little sleepy

I am striving to have this peace in my heart all the time. If I wait for ‘that day’ on the beach to enjoy my life and my kids, I would miss so many opportunities to enjoy my life and the gifts that have been bestowed on me. Because that day on the beach is going to be great but it will end and then life will move forward again. If I haven’t found a way to find joy in each day then our journey is going to be long and not so joyful! Ok so this sounds all well and good when life is viewed with rose colored glasses but we all know there are tough times, moments when we seriously dislike our spouse (I am trying not to use the word hate!), moments when our kids make us want to scream, moments when we want to cry ourselves to sleep and stay that way for a week. Then these are the moments when we must rely on our faith the most. When there is no obvious purpose to what is going on in our lives…. We must accept the day we are given and pray for help and guidance to get though these tough times. And then when the days of glory arrive we must remember to give thanks and praise and give all the credit to our God in heaven.

So it is officially New Years Eve. I am writing this blog from room number 1 on the unit. We are here finishing our fifth day of our last five day chemo regimen. We are on another new chemotherapy drug in hopes that whatever cancer micro cells (if there are any!!!!) left in his body are quietly being blasted into oblivion, wilting like a flower without water.  He did so well these past five days…almost no side effects and he is eating and moving around like a champ. Having massive sword fights with his cousins, playing Just Dance on the WII and getting more and more interactive with the rest of the family. I can tell that his nightly feeds are making him feel better and giving him more energy. I am thinking he didn’t even realize how horrible he felt when he was ‘starving’ (so the oncologists say) but now that he has some nutrition feeding his body and his brain he is just thriving. We have a nightly ritual where by he tells me how much he loves me and throws his arms out as wide as they go in order to express the amount of love he has. Well last night he threw the blanket off his legs and stretched his legs and arms as wide as they would go and said, “mommy – I love you this much!”  What a gift.

Tonight we must say Goodbye to Papa Norm and Aunty Sarah. They spent a glorious Christmas with us and we have been so thankful to have them in our home helping us over the holiday season. Papa Norm has become Ryan’s best friend and I enjoy watching Ryan follow him all around the house – longing for a play friend. My heart ached this evening (touch up to the blog this pm) when Papa is giving Evelyn a cuddle good bye, “Why do you have to go papa? I don’t want you to go”. How will I fill this hole in her heart? I am not sure I can.

Don't go home papa!

My cousins supporting the cause!

This next two weeks will be very busy as we prepare for Christian to receive his high dose chemotherapy.  He will undergo no less than 10 tests and procedures to ensure his body is well enough to tolerate the chemotherapy as well as to look for any cancer that may be growing in his body. Everything from dentist’s appointments to bone marrow biopsies. Our constant prayer over the next few weeks will be that all of his tests come back completely clear and healthy. Should any cancer cells be detected he will most likely not receive his high dose therapy.  If his high dose therapy does go ahead as planned we will be admitted to the hospital in the middle of January and he will remain a resident for a while. His best case scenario is a 3 week stay and the worst case scenario is months. Mostly likely he will remain on the unit for about 5 five weeks as he recovers from his chemotherapy and stem cell transplant. There are still many unknowns to us as we are just in the beginning phase of this final blast of treatment. Please continue to pray that Christian gains more and more weight. That each of his tests comes back free and clear. Pray for peace in our home and in our hearts.

Cousins Luke and Shannon supporting the cause

Our prayer for each and every one of you is to have a blessed 356 days – each individually enjoyed and lived to the fullest extent.

My dreams for 2012

1.     Meet more women friends who want to have play dates

2.     Complete my first triathlon in 7 years

3.     That Christian be declared in remission of cancer