Dear Christian

Dear Christian,

I have been writing you letters since you were a little baby. Never once did I imagine that I would be writing you a letter from your hospital bedside while you slept. I am sitting in our unit room, which we have so wonderfully decorated for Christmas. Uncle Ian and Grammy spent the whole morning putting up lights, a Christmas tree, ribbons and wall decorations. You have the best room in the unit and it helps to bring a little Christmas cheer to our day. I ran around all day yesterday looking for fleecy Christmas sheets for your hospital bed but to no avail.

All together enjoying Christian's room - yes that is a mitten on Ryan's head

I started writing letters to you when you were only a few months old. Actually, writing isn’t the right word – I have been typing you letters. I have horrible penmanship and my brain works faster that my hand so letters never turn out that good. I wanted to remember you at each stage of your life. You are our beautiful boy and wanted to try and remember everything about you getting bigger and learning new things. Reading back over the emails I sent you brings back so many memories and exciting times for your dad and I as we experienced a little person for the first time in our lives. You are so special to us; you have this amazing quality about you that makes everybody like you. People are drawn to your sweetness and even though you are only four years old you have the heart and soul of the most beautiful person I know. You are constantly thinking of other people and wanting to ensure that the people you love the most are happy. I can’t remember how many times over the past year that you have taken my chin in your hands while I cried. Like I am the child and you are the adult trying to console my hurt. Your heart is bigger than your body and it shows the true depth of your soul.

One of our favorite ICU nurses - Troy

"Battle Scars"

You are in the fight for your life. You are a fighter. This is been a long long year – a struggle for you from the very beginning. And hurdle after hurdle you have overcome these obstacles with the strength most adults could never comprehend. Mommy and daddy pray for you all the time. There are lots of people praying for you. People all over the world, all ages, times and frames of mind. And God is listening to the prayers of his people because the barriers you smash and the strength with which you smash them are God given. God is in you and of you and all about you. I am so excited to see you grow up; I am excited to see the places God is going to take you. I remember hearing a motivational speaker talking one day about following your dreams. He said, “You can not do anything you want to do but you can do EVERYTHING that God wants you to do”. Meaning that God has given each of us special gifts, things we feel most strongly about. The things we are passionate about are placed in our soul by our maker. He is placing emotions and strength inside of you that are going to be so great.

This past year you have gone from a little toddler with cute, shaggy brown hair to a little man with no hair! You have battled 40 weeks of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, a 12 hour resection surgery (one of the biggest in the Alberta Children’s hospital’s history), more chemotherapy, crazy, insane abdominal pain, months without proper eating, no less than 8 tubes shoved down your nose, emergency bowel obstruction surgery and countless boring hours, days and weeks in the hospital. And I just wanted to make sure you knew how proud of you I am. You have shown mommy that you ‘can do all things through Christ you strengthens you’. You have shown me the power of prayer, hope, faithfulness and love. You have shown me patience I didn’t know existed. You have shown me kindness towards your siblings by sharing your Bingo prize toy selection with your sister and sharing your hospital bed with your little brother.

Amazing how the this looks like the Star of the North

Most importantly I wanted you to know that your sickness (as weird as this may sound) has made our family strong. As a whole we have cried together, screamed together, asked the question ‘why’ together and struggled together. And as a family we have learned that we can lean on God for the things we need. We have been directed to a better life with open eyes. We have been given the glimpse of death and learned to reach for the stars each day. Mommy and daddy certainly don’t live each day to the fullest but we try. We are trying to make you proud and be good parents for you. I want to make sure you know how much I love you and Evelyn and Ryan. I want to make sure you know how much I love your daddy. I want to make sure you know how important Jesus is in our lives and that He truly is our saviour. He is the saviour of our souls and He is the saviour of your health.

Thank you cousin Noah

The Doctors here at the hospital have made many comments about how strong you are and how you seem to fight with an inhuman strength. How a little boy who weighs only 26 lbs can continue to get up after continually getting knocked down. The nurses in the ICU and the oncology ward reverently give you the utmost praise for your ability to hold strong. So proud of you! Proud even when you say to me, “Mommy I can’t do this anymore”. Everybody has their limits and you have already learned yours.

My prayer for you as an adult is that you also learn to love and trust God. That you would love and trust Evelyn and Ryan and you three will remain the best of friends. You will tell each other things you don’t want to tell us. You will confide in each other and always be there for each other, even when you are 50.  I pray that you get the chance to read this letter and the whole blog that comes before this. I pray that you will sit down one day and read these words and know how amazing you are. I pray you will appreciate the gifts the Lord has given us. I pray you get the chance to get married and have children of your own. Your daddy says he wants you to be able to give these written words to your kids so they can know the amazing things their daddy overcame to give them life. I am so thankful for the gift of you, the gift of Evelyn and Ryan, the gift of your daddy and the gifts of hope. Merry Christmas Christian.
Love
Mommy