Thursday, December 15, 2011

Dear Christian



Dear Christian,
I have been writing you letters since you were a little baby. Never once did I imagine that I would be writing you a letter from your hospital bedside while you slept. I am sitting in our unit room, which we have so wonderfully decorated for Christmas. Uncle Ian and Grammy spent the whole morning putting up lights, a Christmas tree, ribbons and wall decorations. You have the best room in the unit and it helps to bring a little Christmas cheer to our day. I ran around all day yesterday looking for fleecy Christmas sheets for your hospital bed but to no avail.
All together enjoying Christian's room - yes that is a mitten on Ryan's head
I started writing letters to you when you were only a few months old. Actually, writing isn’t the right word – I have been typing you letters. I have horrible penmanship and my brain works faster that my hand so letters never turn out that good. I wanted to remember you at each stage of your life. You are our beautiful boy and wanted to try and remember everything about you getting bigger and learning new things. Reading back over the emails I sent you brings back so many memories and exciting times for your dad and I as we experienced a little person for the first time in our lives. You are so special to us; you have this amazing quality about you that makes everybody like you. People are drawn to your sweetness and even though you are only four years old you have the heart and soul of the most beautiful person I know. You are constantly thinking of other people and wanting to ensure that the people you love the most are happy. I can’t remember how many times over the past year that you have taken my chin in your hands while I cried. Like I am the child and you are the adult trying to console my hurt. Your heart is bigger than your body and it shows the true depth of your soul.
One of our favorite ICU nurses - Troy

"Battle Scars"
You are in the fight for your life. You are a fighter. This is been a long long year – a struggle for you from the very beginning. And hurdle after hurdle you have overcome these obstacles with the strength most adults could never comprehend. Mommy and daddy pray for you all the time. There are lots of people praying for you. People all over the world, all ages, times and frames of mind. And God is listening to the prayers of his people because the barriers you smash and the strength with which you smash them are God given. God is in you and of you and all about you. I am so excited to see you grow up; I am excited to see the places God is going to take you. I remember hearing a motivational speaker talking one day about following your dreams. He said, “You can not do anything you want to do but you can do EVERYTHING that God wants you to do”. Meaning that God has given each of us special gifts, things we feel most strongly about. The things we are passionate about are placed in our soul by our maker. He is placing emotions and strength inside of you that are going to be so great.

This past year you have gone from a little toddler with cute, shaggy brown hair to a little man with no hair! You have battled 40 weeks of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, a 12 hour resection surgery (one of the biggest in the Alberta Children’s hospital’s history), more chemotherapy, crazy, insane abdominal pain, months without proper eating, no less than 8 tubes shoved down your nose, emergency bowel obstruction surgery and countless boring hours, days and weeks in the hospital. And I just wanted to make sure you knew how proud of you I am. You have shown mommy that you ‘can do all things through Christ you strengthens you’. You have shown me the power of prayer, hope, faithfulness and love. You have shown me patience I didn’t know existed. You have shown me kindness towards your siblings by sharing your Bingo prize toy selection with your sister and sharing your hospital bed with your little brother.
Amazing how the this looks like the Star of the North
Most importantly I wanted you to know that your sickness (as weird as this may sound) has made our family strong. As a whole we have cried together, screamed together, asked the question ‘why’ together and struggled together. And as a family we have learned that we can lean on God for the things we need. We have been directed to a better life with open eyes. We have been given the glimpse of death and learned to reach for the stars each day. Mommy and daddy certainly don’t live each day to the fullest but we try. We are trying to make you proud and be good parents for you. I want to make sure you know how much I love you and Evelyn and Ryan. I want to make sure you know how much I love your daddy. I want to make sure you know how important Jesus is in our lives and that He truly is our saviour. He is the saviour of our souls and He is the saviour of your health.
Thank you cousin Noah
The Doctors here at the hospital have made many comments about how strong you are and how you seem to fight with an inhuman strength. How a little boy who weighs only 26 lbs can continue to get up after continually getting knocked down. The nurses in the ICU and the oncology ward reverently give you the utmost praise for your ability to hold strong. So proud of you! Proud even when you say to me, “Mommy I can’t do this anymore”. Everybody has their limits and you have already learned yours.
My prayer for you as an adult is that you also learn to love and trust God. That you would love and trust Evelyn and Ryan and you three will remain the best of friends. You will tell each other things you don’t want to tell us. You will confide in each other and always be there for each other, even when you are 50.  I pray that you get the chance to read this letter and the whole blog that comes before this. I pray that you will sit down one day and read these words and know how amazing you are. I pray you will appreciate the gifts the Lord has given us. I pray you get the chance to get married and have children of your own. Your daddy says he wants you to be able to give these written words to your kids so they can know the amazing things their daddy overcame to give them life. I am so thankful for the gift of you, the gift of Evelyn and Ryan, the gift of your daddy and the gifts of hope. Merry Christmas Christian.
Love
Mommy

21 comments:

  1. Oh Megan, that was stunningly beautiful! What a gift for your son to have your words in writing for years to come. Peace and strength to you, Chris, Christian, Evelyn and Ryan. Love, Tracey

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  2. Weepy. Wish I could be there for you and your family. You are in my heart. Love, Angela & fam

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  3. Powerful words. A powerful God we serve. One day Christian will look back and think, "Look at what God did through me .. "

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  4. Beautiful Megan. As much as Christian is your hero, you are mine. You inspire me to try to be a better, more patient and compassionate mom and wife and to try to appreciate even the mundane and maddening parts of the day. I can't even imagine what this last year has been like for you but I'm sure I could never have the strength that you have. We’re all thinking of and praying for you guys.

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  5. Probably one of the most moving and beautiful letters I have read! Your Faith, Love and Strength are inspiring and amazing. Thank you for sharing this... You put life and the things that are important into perspective. Love to you, Chris, Christian, Evelyn and Ryan... Praying for a Peaceful and Merry Christmas for all of you.

    Danielle, Justin, Katrice and Nathan Domshy.

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  6. Megan
    What a strong and beautiful soul you share with us. You are a true witness to the way God blesses those who are suffering. Christian is a fortunate little fellow indeed to have such a strong and faithful Mom and Dad. He is richly blessed by our Lord and Saviour. It is inspiring to see the faith that has been produced in you and Chris through the gruelling months of the past year. But you have all made it. You all stand strong. God has held up your knees when they are feeble and has filled you with rejoicing time after time. This is not over, but the end is near and you will all finish strong. And the future holds great things for you and Chris and Christian and Evelyn and Ryan. He knows the plans He has for you! It will be a joy to watch them unfold in the years ahead. May the Lord's grace and mercy follow you all of your days. Love Joan

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  7. I have red fleecy sheets my mom bought for my daughter and we dont use them. I have messaged Jessica B and I would bring them to you washed. They fit a twin bed. :)

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  8. Can only weep and continue to pray after reading those beautiful words from the heart of a beautiful mom. Stay strong. The Lord thy God is with you all. He will never leave or forsake you.

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  9. Thank you for sharing something that came from so deep within. As tears run down my cheeks I praise your family for their faith and trust. My daughter and I pray for Christian every night and I wish your family comfort and peace for the holidays.

    God Bless.

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  10. Thank you for sharing this amazing letter with us, Megan. You shine for Jesus, as does that wonderful son of yours and your other two equally wonderful children and not least your wonderful husband - and the rest of your wonderful family! Your writings are full of wonder... Blessings, Patricia (Antigonish)

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  11. Such amazing strength and courage - not just Christian but you and Chris as parents whose hearts would be so full of pain. You are an example of that deep, deep love that a parent has for his or her child. That kind that can move mountains if need be. We join your prayers that Christian will live to a ripe old age. He is first in our thoughts and prayers each day and the last thing at night. We feel like we know you and we love you.

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  12. tears down my cheeks... you and your whole family amaze me. God does and will answer your and everyone prayers for you Christian!!! God Bless you

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  13. Megan, you write from the deepest part of the soul. Gut wrenching. Horrific sickness. Love, prayer, caring, worry, torment, fear, frustration, peace... All through the loving eyes of a parent. Not many can express in such a beautiful way.

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  14. my thoughts and prayes go out too a beautiful ,fun loving litle boy, i now the friesens family in ardrie, I will pray for u, keep us poted on hows hedoing, god bless yu and yur family.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. I look everyday to see what you will share. One day I hope to share with you what God has done in my life through your experience. Praying continually.
    Francine Owens

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  16. Your son will cherish your words when he is older Megan. For now, we get to share them and weep with you and smile with you. You were right Megan...we are praying all over the world.

    Lise Wendt

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  17. As a mom, I cry with you. I can't imagine what you are going through. Our family prays EVERY day, many times throughout the the day for Christian. But what you also need to know is, whenever we think something in life is "hard"...we think of Christian and the strength he has. He has truly touched our lives with his courage. Praying for complete healing for your little man, and for peace in your heart that ONLY God can give.

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  18. Incredible words from a devoted mom to her beautiful son. No matter where the road takes you the good lord will be with you and people from all over the world will pray for you and your family. My heart goes out to all of you and we will continue praying for Christian.

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  19. As tears stream down my face, my heart breaks for you and all that you and your family are going thru. Christian, the boy of steel, keep fighting little man...so many people are praying for you and your family.

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  20. Just catching up tonight...
    xxoo
    Anne Cameron (ACH unit1)

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  21. Boy of steel is right! Wishing you Christian and your family a very Merry Christmas. May this special time of year bring some smiles and laughter to you all. Glad you liked your chocolate, but seriously isnt that stuff good? Europeans know how to do chocolate. Thinking of you always Christian and praying for you all.
    Love your friends in Sweden,
    Mason, Sarah and Brad Moran

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