HI MOMMY....

Dear Mommy

I wanted to remind you that I haven’t gone, I love you and I am still with you. I LOVE YOU!!!! I know you are in Nova Scotia, I know you are sad when you visit Nanny's but please remember that you are not alone. Remember yesterday when you went to Victoria Park for a long walk? You did Jacob’s ladder a whole bunch of times and it was really hard. I was climbing right beside you. I know you heard me cheering for you and encouraging you to keep going. I know you heard me tell you that God loves you so much and you are worth fighting for. I am so proud of you that you work so hard, that you think of me when you want to quite and remember how hard I fought to beat cancer. So when you are really tired I am right beside you too, just like you did for me.

Christian's footprints on the beach

Then you went to Melmerbry beach to meet papa, Ryan was so excited! You went on a really long walk down towards the rocks on the beach.  Well I was walking with you keeping you company. You stopped and sat in a water pocket and looked out at the ocean, I was sitting right beside you holding your hand. I know you felt paradise in that moment. You imagined that that was what heaven might look like. And you were right! It is amazing! The oceans are brightest and the clearest blue and the beaches are overflowing with crystal sand – not hot to walk on and never any rocks to step on, only perfect ones for skipping and throwing in the ocean! There is tons of laughter and giggles, there are couples loving their time together. People walk the beaches holding hands and families sit together to build castles in the sand. Earth is a piece of heaven – only up here everything is perfect. You will see one day, I will show you everything when you get here.

Speaking of that I know you are so desperate to see me and hold me again. But you still have work to do at home. God has a purpose for you, even thought you might not know what it is. I can see it and it makes perfect sense. You have to believe what is in your heart and trust that God will not let you down. I know you want to help other people but you are just not sure how to do it. But if you can stay positive and keep your heart open then you will know what it is you are meant to be doing.

Victoria park pool

I love Joshua so much. I can see he recognizes me in the picture on the floor in Grammy’s basement. I visit him at night so he doesn’t forget me – he is so cute and he loves Evelyn and Ryan so much. They are amazing big brother and sisters, I am so proud of them. I know you worry about Evelyn and Ryan, you worry that they are suffering because I died. But remember that instead of wondering and worrying about them – pray for them. God wanted me to remind you that you can ask him for help for little things as well as big things. He is always listening to your cries. He knows your heart and He understands your hurt. He loves you. Keep breathing slowly.  Remind daddy how much I love him and tell him to stop grinding his teeth and to trust that he is an amazing daddy. Ryan loves him so much and looks up to him like I did. I go with them whenever they play golf. I watch Daddy swing and I sit in his lap when he drives the cart. God purposely put you guys together and you are a great team. I am so glad God chose you for my parents. I am so lucky! 

 

Victoria park - one of your favs

I know you miss me mommy, but in those moments of intense pain and sadness remember how I used to sit in your lap and wrap my arms around your neck. I would kiss you incessantly so you would laugh and have to stop crying. Remember how I used to rub your arm when I was falling asleep? I still do those things. Sit still long enough to feel me and know me – I haven’t left you – I promise. I am still keeping my eye out for Luca – he is fighting so hard. And I am watching over Sadie at the hospital at night. Keep praying for them, God is listening to you, He told me himself. His giant hands are protecting them and his angels keep watch over them.

I will talk to you again soon Mommy. Keep writing me letters and letting me know how everything is going. I love you so much – all the way to the death star and back!

PS I see you have been playing Star Wars Angry birds and they made some new levels! They are so hard but I am right beside you while you try to get those darn piggies, well get them together like we used to. Love you