Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A letter from Heaven



Dear Mommy

There are so many things I want to tell you, so many things that I now know and understand. Mostly I want to tell you how much I love you. Before I got sick and came to heaven I told you all the time that I loved you, I was zealous about my family and the love I felt for everybody around me. I wanted to make sure you remembered me saying it to you. “I love you mommy, I love you more mommy, I love to you Hoth and back”.  I know you miss me, I know you sit at night when you are alone and cry. I know that you dwell on my most difficult days in the hospital, the days I was so sick and the days you couldn’t take away my pain. But there is something so very important I want you to know. I don’t think about those days. They are done, gone and over and I want them to be over for you too. I know it’s hard to think of me crying and screaming in pain but I have won the battle and I now live amongst the most amazing glory that you could never imagine but will see one day.

When you are feeling such despair I want to you to try and remember our best times together. The nights we cuddled in bed, the nights we fell asleep with our heads together, the giggles and laughs we shared. The nights you spent “counting my back”, the baths we took at midnight, the hours we read my favorite books and watching my favorite movies over and over and over again. I want you to think of the dance parties we had in our living room and the fun we had at the park. The afternoons we went swimming and the midnight games of Yahtzee. These are the moments to relish, the love we shared and felt, the bond of a mommy and her son. Even though I am not with you in the physical sense I am always walking, sitting, lying and watching over you. I never want you to regret any decisions you and daddy made for me or didn’t make for me. Everything turns out the way God intended and you must trust this. Never feel sorrow for times we didn’t share together because soon we will be together in paradise, forever!

I speak to you through my soul because the English language doesn’t have the words to describe the awesomeness, the beauty, the glory, the fullness and magnificence of heaven. I will never leave you, my spirit and soul walk with you always, and when you are most sad, inconsolable and full of despair – feel me crawl up into your lap and wrap my arms around your neck. Incessantly kissing your cheek like I used to when you were heartbroken – you know it made me sad to see you upset and full of misery.
I wish that I could release you from the trauma of the past few years. I know it has been difficult for our whole family. Now is the time to trust in the plans that God has chosen for us. I see and understand everything; it is understandably unbearable for those of you left behind. Those of you who don’t get to see what I see, who don’t know what I now know. But you can trust in the Lord and know that His plan is perfect. If you had the option to see things in reverse you would understand but your faith will have to guide you through.

Never stop talking to me because I am always listening. I am so excited about our new baby. I am excited to be a big brother again even though they will never know me in the way Ryan and Evelyn did. I want peace and calm in your heart. I want to see you shine like you used too, to not be afraid to step out onto the ledge and go for the desires and dreams God has put in your heart. Mostly mommy never ever forget how much I love you and how special you are. You were the best mommy for me and you made my short life so very special.
Love Christian

14 comments:

  1. BEAUTIFUL!

    This brought tears to my eyes Megan. You have such a gift in your writings.

    May God continue to bless each of you.

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  2. Awesome, Megan - actually beyond words - wow... Patricia (Ă€ntigonish)

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  3. Wow this is really amazing. It is though Christian dictated exactly what he wanted to say. It is truly a gift from heaven. This reminded me of a scripture in John. Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” If you can receive and believe the words of this letter it too will set you free too. We all will be reunited soon enough. :-)

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  4. So amazing Megan, God is shining through you. You're such a huge blessing to everyone!

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  5. You were all of this to him and much more. In your times of despair I hope you can remember these words and let them bring you comfort knowing this is exactly what he would want you to remember of your time together.

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  6. In those words were beauty and hope and wonderment and comfort and love. I read and I felt that Christian himself had truly written those words.

    Lise W.

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  7. He spoke to your heart and you shared it with us, what a treasure.

    You are so loved!!

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  8. You will physically see him again at the resurrection when The Lord returns, which could be any day: you do realise that don't you? Christ's resurrection is proof of this, if he rose (and he did) then all men will rise. Death is not the end even though it seems so final: every spring shows this.

    Risenfromthedead.blogspot.co.uk

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  9. Crying with all the love and loss in my heart for your beautiful little angel and my own. You find words where I thought there were none. Your journaling is a gift, Megan, for you and for other parents on this journey. Thank you! Much love from Brandi and all of us at Jamie's

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  10. I came to Christian's blog this evening Megan, because I was thinking about Christian and your entire family. I am so thankful for your blog to come to during these moments of missing Christian -and your family. Funny (or serendipitous) to 'bump' into Brandi on this page! And yes, you do so have a gift for motherhood and couplehood, for finding the meaning of our places here on earth and God's purposes too. It is so and I hope that you continue your writing as it seems not only to help you work through your thoughts and feelings but also so many others thoughts as well -such as myself. It is time for school to start and for me, that triggers very vivid memories of Christian's 4th birthday at preschool with the blue Cookie Monster cupcakes made with so much love from his mama! I will be wearing a big smile on my face on the 6th as I think of Christian's Birthday in Heaven. Gentle hugs to you all! Mrs. Howe

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  11. Thinking of you, your family and hope things are going well with Baby Crowell...

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  12. thinking of you all xo

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  13. Amazing words, Megan, thank you for sharing them... Patricia (Antigonish)

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