This is the ongoing story of our five year old son's battle with stage 3 Rhabdomyosarcoma in his abdomen. He recently earned his wings and entered the kingdom of heaven. He is full and surruonded by God's glory. He is our little hero and an amazing example of the adversity that children can overcome. God is our Healer, now that medicine is done, GOD will begin. All the glory belongs to HIM
Sunday, May 12, 2013
How we spent our last mothers day together....
“Happy Mothers day” – I can hear this whispered in my ear
this morning. I know you would have rolled over and rubbed my face and told me
how much you loved me. I sat in your room tonight and tried to take in all of
your toys and things that you loved. I just about pulled out your drawer of
Star Wars guys, I can hear you asking me if I want to play with you. I wish I knew
which guns went with which guy and whose light sabers was whose, I felt some sadness
realizing that nobody will love your Star Wars toys with as much care and concern
as you did.
I sit with Evan on my bed and watch her moving around and
playing. She has so many of your facial characteristics – I look at her and
Ryan and imagine you beside them. I really don’t know what to say to you today
but I know in two days time you will have been gone from me for four months.
Four months of the worst days of my life. I am so grateful for Ryan and Evelyn
who keep me going and constantly bring smiles to my face. This kind of grief is
very lonely and isolating. I cannot possibly describe to someone else the kind
of pain I feel. By the grace of God the instances of intense pain have lessened
but it seems that when it hits me I can barely breath. The air catches in my
throat and I can’t speak. When I speak to people about you or even try to speak
your name it is just like you left me yesterday and the pain comes rushing back
to me all over again.
Ryan has come to join us on the bed just as Four Square
comes on Tree House – Ryan looks over at me and says, “look mommy, its your
favorite show!” He knows how much fun you had teasing me about those silly men
in their blue tights and its like he is making sure I don’t forget. In two days
we leave for Nova Scotia and I wonder if it will bring up a whole new world of
emotion. I have never once in the last five years gone there without you, I have
never walked through the gates at the airport without your excited little face
leading the way. How will I walk thru the doors without you? Truro was one of
your most favorite places and I know that every park, store, playground and
loving family member will hold cherished but painful memories of your amazing
little spirit. I pray for peace and God’s grace as we go to remember you in our
Eastern home. I know you will not leave us as we travel and I pray I can
remember to be still and wait to enjoy your presence. I love you so much and
miss you like crazy on a day that you would have wanted me to feel so special.