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| How we spent our last mothers day together.... |
Dear Christian
“Happy Mothers day” – I can hear this whispered in my ear
this morning. I know you would have rolled over and rubbed my face and told me
how much you loved me. I sat in your room tonight and tried to take in all of
your toys and things that you loved. I just about pulled out your drawer of
Star Wars guys, I can hear you asking me if I want to play with you. I wish I knew
which guns went with which guy and whose light sabers was whose, I felt some sadness
realizing that nobody will love your Star Wars toys with as much care and concern
as you did.
I sit with Evan on my bed and watch her moving around and
playing. She has so many of your facial characteristics – I look at her and
Ryan and imagine you beside them. I really don’t know what to say to you today
but I know in two days time you will have been gone from me for four months.
Four months of the worst days of my life. I am so grateful for Ryan and Evelyn
who keep me going and constantly bring smiles to my face. This kind of grief is
very lonely and isolating. I cannot possibly describe to someone else the kind
of pain I feel. By the grace of God the instances of intense pain have lessened
but it seems that when it hits me I can barely breath. The air catches in my
throat and I can’t speak. When I speak to people about you or even try to speak
your name it is just like you left me yesterday and the pain comes rushing back
to me all over again.
Ryan has come to join us on the bed just as Four Square
comes on Tree House – Ryan looks over at me and says, “look mommy, its your
favorite show!” He knows how much fun you had teasing me about those silly men
in their blue tights and its like he is making sure I don’t forget. In two days
we leave for Nova Scotia and I wonder if it will bring up a whole new world of
emotion. I have never once in the last five years gone there without you, I have
never walked through the gates at the airport without your excited little face
leading the way. How will I walk thru the doors without you? Truro was one of
your most favorite places and I know that every park, store, playground and
loving family member will hold cherished but painful memories of your amazing
little spirit. I pray for peace and God’s grace as we go to remember you in our
Eastern home. I know you will not leave us as we travel and I pray I can
remember to be still and wait to enjoy your presence. I love you so much and
miss you like crazy on a day that you would have wanted me to feel so special.
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| A kiss for you today |
See you in my dreams,
Mommy
A mothers love is like a candle burning bright. You may light other candles but it does not diminish the flames of each and every candle you light. It does not take away from the love you have for each child. Happy Mothers Day Megan, the candle flame for Christian is still burning bright as a light saber!
ReplyDeleteI thought of you many times yesterday. Hang onto Evelyn and Ryan's hands tight when you walk through the gates of the airport, and look down at their shining faces and know that Christian is surely there along with you.
ReplyDeleteHappy mother's day Megan.
Lise W.
Happy Mother's Day Megan. Enjoy your trip to Nova Scotia and know that Christian is right there with you all. God bless each and everyone of you.
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to see you all tomorrow ,at the same time the thought of Christian not being there brings tears to my eyes and sadness in my heart. For the last two years we have brought balloons to the airport for the kids and this year will be the same ,and when we get home Evelyn and Ryan can go out on the deck and let Christian's balloon go so he can get it in heaven ONE more sleep xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThis story is very inspiring.It is much respectable that you have shared this with other leaders.
ReplyDeleteI would like to our whenever you need to create a Church Website
Have a wonderful and restful trip. You deserve it.
ReplyDeletePraying for refreshment and unspeakable joy on this trip.
ReplyDelete