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| Best Christmas smile ever.... |
Good evening sweet pea
It is Christmas Eve and we have officially
renamed this day “fun day”. Evy and Ryan have been having so much fun today
playing around the house. They seem to find all sorts of imaginative games to
play. As we speak they are shooting nesting dolls off the end of an empty
wrapping paper roll. Now they are playing princess games in the toy room. There
is so much joy and laugher in their voices – the sincerity of their emotions is
inspiring to me. I know you are playing with them. In fact we just finished
wrapping your present to Daddy – I know he will love it and it will constantly
remind him of you. Not that he needs any help with that. He misses you so much.
I see him staring at your pictures and I know he is wondering about you, how
you would look, what kind of golfer you would be, would you enjoy playing with
Evelyn and Ryan? This year he put the star on the tree by himself. He made the
most beautiful Christmas tree – we picked it out at tree lot with the kids and
I let Evy chose. I am assuming you guided her hand because it is the most
beautiful, full and glorious tree we have ever had.
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| Christmas 2012 |
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| Hey mom don't mess my mullet!!! |
Joshua is such a beautiful soul. I call him
my little dude, he has so much of your spirit and tenacity (or should I call it
stubbornness?!) He is always giving away his kisses, he grabs your face with
two hands and plants a big one on your lips, “mmmmaaaa” he says when he
kisses. He loves to be near me, maybe a
bit too much! He can’t seem to sleep unless part of him is touching my skin, or
daddy’s. He needs to feel a heartbeat and a warm body. His security is knowing
that we are close by – this part of him reminds me so much of you. Needed to be
close by, as if there was nothing else in the world but us, and that is ok with
him. A few days ago he started walking – everywhere! He picks up his hockey
stick and swings at anything in his way! He also discovered that he can kick a
soccer ball, its just about the cutest thing I have ever seen. Every moment of
this holiday reminds me of you… words can not describe how much I long to have
you here with us. Playing and celebrating, listening to music and dancing
around the living room, watching the Magic Hockey skates and the Grinch who
Stole Christmas.
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| I love my Daddy so much |
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| Now that is joy!!!1 |
Pastor Doug gave an amazing sermon the other
day about Joy, that it is God’s deepest desire for us to have a life filled
with joy. Our life may no be filled with happiness but God has put a serving
of Joy into my soul. The pain of missing you takes away from the happiness of
my days but we have become privy to the true value of the “small” things in
life that are really very big things. Laying in bed at night with my kids
lulling them into a secure sleep, tickling their little tummy’s while they beg
for mercy, watching them enjoy playing together, seeing Joshua take his first
steps – right into a kicking a soccer ball, sitting with my husband at night
and knowing I have my best friend beside me who always has my back, food on our
table and the security of my future life with Christian.
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| We began our Christmas vacation with a little hungry hippo |
Despite the chaos, confusion and frustrations
that might come into our life, the deep rooted understanding the Jesus loves
us, died for us and currently is battling for us is what brings me my peace and
joy. At the end of the day He will provide for us whatever situation we find
ourselves in and this is what I rely on and trust. Christmas, to me, is my
promise that I will see Christian again. My good friend laughed at me the other
day when I told her how I started crying in church when I attempted to sing the
Christmas carols. I can see how it would seem silly since they are supposed to
be joyful but all of a sudden the words spoke to me even though I have sung
them a thousand times before. Hark the Herald Angels Sing began and I sang with
the repetition that most carols bring, then all of a sudden I heard these
words,
“Born
that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth”
And the realization that Christ was born on
Christmas morning only to died on a cross a few decades later – so that I can see you
again. And not just see you but live a glorious life with you Christian, the life
God had intended in the very first place. No pain or suffering just pure joy
and happiness. You may be gone from our life here on earth but I know you wait for me. This is my Christmas wish for my family and for every other
family out there today who needs a reason to smile. This moment on earth now is
fleeting, don’t stress, trust in the Lord, store up for your selves treasures
in heaven and soon one day we will all understand.
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| Best sibling Christmas picture - hands down!!! |
I know you are going to have a rocking
party in heaven – what a day to celebrate! I hope you join us at church and sit
on my knee when we sing. I can see your hands in the air as you draw close to
God. I love you so much. Merry Christmas Christian.
