Long Time Coming

Love those eyes - bald or not he is beautiful

It has been a struggle these past few days. I feel like I should be joyous all the time but to be honest with you it just seems like there will be no end to these trails. This morning I woke up with my back completely seized up again and felt so defeated. Despite the fact that I feel like “kaka” Christian does seem to be getting better each day. Yesterday we were at the park and he hit his face on the slide on the way down and it tore off the tape, which holds his NG tube down. He screamed in agony – not because he was in pain but because he was fearful he was going to have to have another one inserted. We yanked it out praying that he eats enough to sustain himself and hopefully even thrive. I pray that every crumb he eats has a 10 fold calorie factor (and minus 10 for me!) He limps around on his right leg quite a bit, as left leg is extremely tight and sore. Other than these small conundrums, he seems to be getting brighter each day. I type this then sure enough he awakes hours later screaming in pain and I feel like all patience and energy has left my body. I scream back because I have no idea how to help him. “Please tell me how to help you, Christian!” "I don’t know mommy", he says. And we both sit there sobbing because I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing. I am assuming they are growing pains or pains from having tight muscles. But of course the devil on my shoulder is telling me that it is cancer. I try to catch my breath and not throw up because I am positive I have just won the worst mother of the year award – who yells at their sick child because they don’t know what to do? Not a proud moment in my life.

All of our children have grown and blossomed so much since we have been able to spend time together. We sit down at the dinner table and eat as a family (that is when Evelyn hasn’t decided to sit under the table pretending she is the family dog!) Last night at dinner we discovered when counting the peas on his tray that Ryan knows how to count to 10. My mother was counting the peas as he was placing them into his bowl. And to our amazement he started counting along with her. He puckers his little lips and says, “twwwwoooo”. Then he spouted out the word nine and Chris says, did he just say nine?  Ryan thinks its funny and claps for himself.

WHO ME????

Evelyn keeps getting herself into trouble by making a mess or tearing up her books – thankfully she just blames things on her hands or her feet. “Mommy it was just my hands – they didn’t know what they were doing”. The other day she told me her bum wanted to out and sit on the swing. This evening while trying to lay in bed and read her some stories her resident bed giraffe was stomping on my neck and she says, “there mommy – do you feel better? My giraffe stomped off your sore neck and now it is on his paw – and he likes it!” Does it get any better than that? I love her so much.

This morning I worked my way downstairs to the lazyboy to ease my back and try to rest more comfortably. The sun had just come up but Christian knows immediately if his ‘skin’ has left the bed and he shortly follows me down. He comes and tries to sit on my knee but my back so was so sore he just sat beside me. A few minutes later he looks up at me and says, “Mommy don’t you think you should be icing your back?” He is so grown up and it made me realize how close attention he pays to everything going on around him – even when we think he is not listening. Either that or its what happens when your mommy is an athletic therapist – time to take some of my own medicine!

Christian and the Phaneuf boys enjoying some playtime

So this week brings Christian’s monthly dose of antibiotic as well as his surgery to fix his ‘pee issues’. Hopefully he will not be in too much pain and we can move on with planning our road trip to Vancouver, his cousin Grace coming to visit and our long anticipated beach trip to Florida. I have been a crazy woman running around trying to organize and fix things up in the house. I have been trying to de-clutter and get rid of the extra ‘stuff’ in our home. I am of the opinion that the ‘stuff’ is taking up room in our house and in our minds so better to free up the area and breath a little easier. And double bonus – make some extra spending money for our trip! Christian is convinced the States are full of Star Wars men he has never seen before – hopefully Target it not too much of a disappointment for him! Thanks for reading.

Our beach getaway in 8 weeks time

I can't wait to walk along this beach with Chris at night and praise God for all the gifts we have been blessed with

Today I am thankful for:

1.     Airdrie Sway and Buy

2.     Harry Potter

3.     Overcome, by Jeremy Camp

Beach, here comes the Crowells